Mad4Mel

There isn't much to report at the moment. I am still waiting for Janet Dean MP to get back in touch with the latest happenings from Parliament regarding the student benefits issue. The election is getting ever nearer and I do wonder if it will be sorted before the country votes on a new Prime Minister. I did write to David Cameron, his assistant replied saying my letter had been passed on to someone else who was responsible for the benefits issues and they would reply to me. I hope that if they get into power they are quicker at getting things done. This week I shall be writing to Janet Dean MP and Mr. Cameron's oppo in an effort to get some answers.

I shall also be writing to Queen's hospital and Nottingham City Hospital this week to sort out the presentation of the cheques from the proceeds of the book so I'll post more news on that as and when dates are confirmed. The cycle ride fund is now up to £175, only another £825 to go! If you would like to sponsor me, details of the ride can be found in the Cycle Challenge link on the front page.

I have taken the guestbook off the site for the time being, there seems to be a problem with it, the links aren't working and my password and username aren't being accepted so I'll remove it. If you wish to leave comments, please email me and I will post them on the website.

MacMillan are releasing a press statement this week regarding unclaimed benefits that total millions of pounds. The release is concentrating on cancer sufferers who do not realise they qualify for the benefits or cannot fill out the complicated forms they are presented with. MacMillan came to me for a quote and that has been used in the release, so hopefully this will make a difference for cancer patients and will send another message to the government.

The talk at the hospital went well. I did find it quite hard talking about "end of life" care, but it worked and I have another one booked in for the end of April. I also have another direction that I want to take my talks in, but that's a work in progress at the moment, so hopefully more of that in the coming weeks. If you are reading this and know of any group that would appreciate a talk, please feel free to contact me. My talks are aimed at helping people and raising awareness of Lymphoma, there is no charge and can be tailored time-wise to suit a particular group.

Finally, you may have noticed there is a new page on the site. It focuses on grief. I've talked on the Lymphoma site about this and following my talk to the bereavement counsellors I thought it would be a good subject to include in the site. It focuses on the aspects of grief during the first and second year and also how it affects our day to day lives.

It's been a few weeks since I updated and I'm not really sure why. Biggest news of the last month was the talk at St. Giles Hospice to a group of Bereavement Counsellors. I did this last Tuesday and it went really well. I was nervous beforehand, the talk was for two hours, but the time flew by and the evening was a success. The questions asked by the counsellors were really good and I think it gave them an opportunity to ask questions they couldn't ask in a bereavement counselling situation. I did choke two or three times as the emotion of going back to "that time" hit me. There may be the possibility of other talks to similar groups and if anyone is reading this and you would like someone to speak, please get in touch. My next speaking event is on March 2nd at Queen's Hospital to a group of newly qualified nurses and I am discussing End of Life Care.

I received the information this week regarding the Nightrider cycle event in June. It all looks very good and I'm sure once the snow and ice disappear I will be getting on Delilah once more and cycling away for miles and miles. The link to donate to the cycle challenge is below and also on the front page of the website so please, if you would like to sponsor me, feel free.

I am hoping to present the cheques for the book sales in May to coincide with the second anniversary of Mel passing away. As things stand at present it looks like we'll be present cheques for about £400 to both the Queen's Hospital at Burton and the Nottingham City Hospital and also a cheque for £200 to the Lymphoma Association so thanks to everyone who bought a copy. The books will continue to be available and can be ordered in the usual manner, details of which are available on the website.

Probably the biggest news in the last few weeks is that I have joined a group of amazing people who are dedicated to raising awareness of cancer in children. To visit their website, please click here. I shall hopefully be able to support them in some way, whilst still carrying on the work I do with the Lymphoma Association. They are a small group of parents who, like myself have children who have been affected by Cancer. They want to raise awareness of cancer in the hope that parents and young people in the future will benefit from an earlier diagnosis. I've said many times that with the benefit of hindsight, things may have been different for Mel and hopefully by having a nationwide campaign, we will be able to give the gift of hindsight to others.

Finally, I have been asked by Aston University to speak at their Candle of Hope ceremony, which is part of the Relay for Life. I did this last year and am honoured to be asked again.

It's been a really busy week this week, in the main due to Janet Dean's debate in the House of Commons on the "Student Benefit" issues. Janet delivered her speech on Tuesday and a powerful case was made for changing the ridiculous rules that are currently in place. She presented our case brilliantly and was backed up by James Plaskitt MP before a response was given by Helen Goodman MP, the Minister for Work and Pensions. The outcome seems very promising, it looks as though they are going to address the problems and basically want to get it right when they change the laws.

Following on from that I was interviewed by the Burton Mail, who continue to do a brilliant job of covering the story. The Burton Mail article can be found here: Burton Mail article .

I also had a call from MacMillan on Saturday and gave a short interview regarding their directory, which as I said before is excellent.

I also had calls from a newspaper in Preston, Lancashire and from BBC Radio Derby. All good awareness of the cause and of the disease too. The Lymphoma Association have also been putting out messages asking for any other students who have had similar problems to contact them. It's great to see progress being made and hopefully we will get a positive result before Parliament ends in May. I shall be writing to David Cameron this week to confirm that if the Conservatives win the next election and the law issues haven't been resolved, he will continue to find a solution. It was very strange hearing Melissa being talked of in the House of Commons, another of those reality checks, but as I said on Radio Derby, if she had recovered from the disease, it would have been her on the Drive Time show.

I have received a reply from Branston Golf Club regarding sponsoring my admin fees for the Nightrider event in June and they've agreed to it, so that's great news. I have set up a sponsor page for both cycle rides so please feel free to make a donation. You can access the page by clicking here: Ian's Cycle Challenge 2010 .

Christmas is well and truly behind us now and we had a nice time. We put the effort in, spent time with family and it really was a lovely Christmas, far better than we had imagined it would be. It was also far harder too, for in the midst of those good times comes the realisation that there is someone special who would and should be there to enjoy them with you. It was going to be hard whatever we did. The choices were do nothing or make the effort. We made the effort and whilst it was still hard, we created some new memories and though we missed Mel, I know I felt her spirit was there with us. She would have loved Boxing Day with Becky, Dave and the Nannies playing on the Wii and also the Sunday when Carol, Keith and the girls came round for the Wii challenge. It still seems wrong and always will do that she wasn't there with us, enjoying a family Christmas. I was dreading Christmas, but now looking back, we got it right and it was if Mel's spirit was driving us in the right direction.

In terms of the new year, we had a quiet one and went walking, although on New Year's Eve I always remember the first time Mel got tipsy when she went out with Claire to celebrate a New Year. We have pictures and a video and such memories are priceless. So now, we're back to work and looking ahead to 2010. I have two more talks planned for the hospital, one in early March and another in late April. I also have one for the Bereavement Section at St. Giles Hospice. Others are pending too. I've been asked to review a directory by MacMillan as part of the Cancer Voices section I'm involved in and as soon as I get the details I shall be signing up for the NightRider event, a sponsored cycle ride through London, starting at Crystal Palace at 11pm and riding through the night. We closed the London to Paris sponsorship fund on New Years Eve and the grand total raised was £6479.00 which was brilliant and I can't thank everyone enough. I don't expect to raise that again this year, but hopefully can keep raising modest amounts in support of the Lymphoma Association. I have written to Branston Golf and Country Club to ask if they'll put forward some sponsorship, I didn't ask them for the L2P and as Mel worked there, I hope they may support me.

The fight with Number 10 still goes on, with Janet Dean now taking the case for students to have equal rights to others when they contract long term illnesses to the floor of the House of Commons. Nothing is ever simple, but I won't be giving up on this one.

The Alf calendar raised a fantastic £375. The person who made the biggest bid then asked if the calendar could be given to the second highest bidder and that was the outcome. Thank you so much to everyone who bid, it's a fantastic amount and I can't thank you enough.

So, that's it really, still busy, still missing Mel as much as ever. The longer it is since she died the harder it gets, We find ourselves asking questions, some we've asked a thousand times before, others, such as, I wonder what she'd have been doing now (well, 9am on a Sunday morning, probably sleeping), we can only dream about the answer. Time isn't healing, but as Christmas proved, it's giving us the ability to deal with situations. There is a picture at the top of the stairs of Mel and I look at it twenty, maybe thirty times a day..... every now and then, some days more than others, it looks back at me and when it does, the realisation that she's never coming home hits like a ton of bricks. That's when it hardest, that's when I have to summon up strength to pull myself up and carry on.

I'm no longer seeing the bereavement counsellor, I've had lots of help from her, and that, coupled with help from Julie and Becky and friends, plus the medication I was on, have put me back in a position where I have the strength to deal with these situations. I may need counselling in the future and I know it's there if needed, the same goes for the medication, but for now, I'm doing ok. When grief hits, I know how to handle it. How I handle it won't be how others do, we're all different, we all handle things differently, but for me, I think I've got to a place now where I know what I need to do, when it hits me hardest.

Another busy week which saw me deliver two speeches to trainee Healthcare Assistants at Burton Queen's Hospital. The talks went well and the feedback I received was really good. They have discussed doing more in the summer and prior to that, possibly in April. There is also the chance of a couple more talks in January to newly qualified nurses. The talks resulted in a few more book sales too and that can only help the charities. I also went into the chemo unit at Queen's to wish Wendy, Pat and Debbie a Merry Christmas and they asked if I'd do a talk to their staff. I did find going back to the chemo unit very hard, I could still picture Mel in there having her chemo, full of hope, talking about going back to uni after treatment.

Yesterday Becky, Alf and I went for a walk in Dovedale, the walking continues to be my best therapy and I also went out this morning too. I took a few photographs as I walked too and these have been posted on Facebook.

Speaking of Alf, I have a 2010 calendar of the Alf which I am auctioning to raise money for the Lymphoma Association. There are only three in existence, two of which will be given as Christmas presents, so it is almost unique! Bids can be made via a message to me at Facebook or by emailing me at ian@mad4mel.co.uk I will announce the winning bid on here in my final post of 2009. The closing dates for bids is Tuesday 29th August. It's all for a good cause and for a bit of fun.

Tomorrow morning I will be delivering a speech to a group of trainee Health Care Assistants and then doing the same on Tuesday morning too. The talk will last an hour and will concentrate on how a young person feels when they enter hospital for the first time and the responsibility the staff have in making that stay as comfortable as possible. I use the first chapter of Through Mel's Eyes to put this message across as she speaks from her heart and tells it how it is. I will also talk about carers/parents and how they feel as well as touching on the importance of communication between staff to help with transitional stages. I don't think I'm nervous, I'm very proud to have been asked to do it and hopefully others will follow in January. I have also been asked to deliver a talk to the bereavement staff at St. Giles Hospice and that will take place in February.

I have also decided to take part in a couple of sponsored cycle rides during 2010. As previously mentioned I shall be taking part in the Lymphoma Association's own annual cycle ride and then a week later partaking in another ride. More details of that will follow. It's nothing on the scale of London to Paris, but it's quite an exciting ride and one to savour. Both rides will take place in June. You can see the pattern emerging. Slowly, but surely, the diary for next year is filling up and that's what keeps me going. I need to keep busy, I need to have projects and after uncertain times this year I feel that I am back in control. There are still many occasions, sometimes on a daily basis, where missing Mel is unbelievably painful, but I feel I now know enough about myself to deal with it and come out the other side. Six months ago, that wasn't the case.

Last week I took part in recording a video for the Lymphoma Association regarding awareness. It was a privilege to be asked and hopefully I did myself justice. Also this week I had a couple of emails regarding the fight for student benefits. As you may have seen in the news the pre-budget report came out and as yet I've heard nothing. My last correspondence from Janet Dean MP said that the budget report contains lots of small print and takes a while to go through. That was Wednesday. They're still reading apparently. If we're not successful in getting the rules changed then MacMillan have already pledged support to make it happen. The Burton Mail are also on standby with pens poised when the result is announced.

It's been a long time since I updated the website as I've been trying to keep emotions/feelings/grief under control. About a month ago I took a sudden dip again, but unlike last time I managed to keep a lid on things. I carried on working and have continued to keep myself busy. Certain projects were bubbling under and I walked (and continue to walk), both mine and Alfie's legs off. I find that escaping into my own world helps. I still think of Mel a lot, but I manage to control my emotional state. The anti depressants are helping, there are a few side effects, but nothing major. I'm not growing breasts or talking in a high voice or anything like that. I've always been against taking AD's but I have to accept I need them to function, so what's the point in making things more difficult than they are. As per usual, my emotions get the better of me when I least expect it. There is a picture of Mel at the top of our stairs. I see it every time I walk out of the bedroom or walk upstairs and nine times out of ten it doesn't bother me. I smile at it. I say hello to it. No problem. But every now and then, I look at it and the picture almost looks back at me and there is this huge reality check. She's died. She's not coming back. I sat and held her hand whilst she passed away. The emotion kicks in and I have to climb back up again. That's just one of the many "reality checks" that occur on a daily basis.

In terms of projects, this Thursday I am taking part in an awareness video for the Lymphoma Association and then in December (14th/15th) I am giving a talk to trainee Health Care Assistants at Burton Hospital. This will hopefully be followed by another talk in January to two groups of student nurses. The talks are an hour long and involve a Q & A session at the end. My work have been brilliant in allowing me to juggle my hours to attend these, maybe they realise the importance of them to me. They're like a fuel, that most of the time, help keep me going. I've also received loads of emails over the past few weeks, these can be from health professionals, cancer sufferers, carers etc. Sometimes they want to say well done, sometimes they want advice and sometimes they just want to talk and get things off their chests. I make sure I reply to them all and again this gives me a boost as does meeting up with people. I did that last week and it was comforting to talk to someone who had similar experiences. Thanks Shirl x

There is some news on the Student benefit issue.... or rather there may be, but I have some research to do and I need to speak to the finance guys at MacMillan so all I can say at the moment is watch this space. Other than that, not much going on. Can I urge all Mel's student friends to visit www.pitfart.com and submit your entry for the pitfart competition. It's fun, it raises awareness and at the end of it you could win a trip to Paris, all expenses paid.

Finally, as you may be aware, we've had Mel's facebook site memorialised. This means that people can still add messages on her wall, but it is restricted to her facebook friends. If you want to add Mel as a friend on Facebook, you still can do I believe by emailing the Facebook team. If you give them the reasons why, tell them who you are, then it shouldn't be a problem. If it is, then let me know.

Finally, finally..... the London to Paris Cycle ride fund will close on the 31st December and we will then have a final total to add to Mel's tribute fund. I think we'll be just sort of 15k on the tribute fund, so my next aim is to hit that mark. I will also be signing up for the Lymphoma Association Cycle Ride in June of next year. It happens over the 12/13 weekend and is a great event, so if you want to join me, feel free. I'll post further details as and when they are released.

You'll notice the times between blogs is longer than usual, this isn't because I'm getting bored with it or anything like that, it's just that there has been a lot happening and following my depression in the summer I'm looking at ways to move forward in what I want to do and achieve and I don't want to keep going on about how bad the week has been, how much I miss Mel etc. I would imagine that goes without saying now and when appropriate I will mention that, but not all the time.

So, what has happened since I won the Lymphoma Association Raising Awareness Award? Quite a bit actually, where shall I start. Ah yes, on October 2nd I attended the Best Practice Seminar at Burton Queen's Hospital and gave a talk to a mixture of doctors, nurses, administration staff and also consultants too. Was I nervous? No, not at first, but then when I realised that Mel's consultant Dr. Ahmed was in the audience to see me, I did get a slight case of the leg wobbles but my speech was really well received and it gave me the first hint of what I want to do. I opened the talk by confessing I was a virgin.... at public speaking and then I read Mel's first blog entry from the book. A powerful piece of writing that explained brilliantly what going into hospital for the first time was like for a teenager/young adult. I talked about making the internet available to patients and how easy this was at Nottingham and also about the choices you're given as a carer because there is no "out of hours" doctor available and you have to go to A&E. . I was asked by three separate people for my contact details and I'm hoping that something will come of that.

The following day it was down to London for the Lymphoma Association Annual Ball, another opportunity to meet people, swap email addresses and find out more about lymphoma, patients and carers. The ball itself was brilliant, the highlight being a speech by young girl called Lindsey who is in remission from Lymphoma and this year cycled across India to raise funds and awareness. I got the chance to speak to her for a while afterwards and she was great to talk to. Like Mel, she struggled with financial issues through being a student. I was also fortunate to chat to Martin O'Neil the Aston Villa manager, his wife had Lymphoma, hence his connection with the organisation.

I attended my counselling session on Monday and it was good to get back into that again. The bereavement section of St. Giles have also asked me to do a talk at one of their training sessions which, of course, I will be honoured to do. The same goes for the one I've been asked to do for the District Nurses in the Burton area. All good stuff and all heading in the right direction. I've also had an email from a lady called Denise who is doing a Phd based on Cancer and would like my input into that regarding Financial Support for students with Cancer. A couple of other emails for people reaching out for support have also touched me and I've replied to them.

On Friday I travelled down to London for the MacMillan Cancer Voices Conference. It was my first time and it was a brilliant experience. I attended workshops on Financial Support, Communicating for Supporting others and pointers on telling your story. I met some incredible, amazing people and I networked. I have to admit I'd never networked before, well, I had met people and introduced myself, but never realised that I was networking. So, I'm now a networker. The weekend has helped me decide the path I want to take in the future, well, one of the paths! I spoke to a guy who had set up his own carer support group and I feel that that is one of the areas I'd like to develop. I've enjoyed the speaking and want to continue with that too. There are so many aspects to Mel's illness, the diagnosis, the treatment, dealing with emotions, the financial side, stem cell transplants and their impact, palliative care, dealing with the death of a child, bereavement, depression and not to mention writing a book and cycling to France and raising monies for charity. So, whatever the audience, I feel there is a side of the story to tell that may help and inspire others. The emails I mentioned earlier and the replies I have had to help I've given have also helped me to decide what I now want to do. The work with the Lymphoma Association will continue and they will always be the number one on my list for raising awareness and funds, but I feel that with MacMillan's support too, I can achieve even more.

It's been three weeks since I last updated the blog, sorry for the delay, but I've been concentrating on other things, one being a change of computer, which needed to be replaced three times! Anyway, it's all sorted now and I'm back on track. As many of you will be aware, I was nominated and subsequently shortlisted for a Lymphoma Association Award at their annual Beacon of Hope Awards. I attended the awards at City Hall in London on Thursday and was fortunate enough to win the Raising Awareness category. Any one of the shortlisted nominees could have won and it was very humbling to be announced as the winner.

Over the last three weeks I've been slowly getting back into work mode. I've been doing part time hours, this week I do a mix of part and full time before starting back full time next Monday. I'm trying to take things slowly, my appetite still isn't what it should be and I do still have my down moments. Fortunately the tablets seem to be doing their job in helping keep my spirits up. The notion that the first year after Mel's death would be the worst isn't true. I miss her more now than I have ever done. You can't pretend that she's still at uni or away from home for ever and this really hits home. I also miss sharing the football with her, although with Everton being where they are in the table, I'm sure I don't miss her jibes at me supporting a crap team.... no, of course I do! I would swap anything to have things back to how they used to be.

I am still attending counselling sessions which help, I cycle, walk the Alf and I've also taught myself to use Photoshop which means I'm getting more out of my photography. It's still a strange time, but I feel stronger and ready to start raising more awareness, funds etc. My main aim for the next twelve months is to get the government to fund students with long term illnesses. They are looking at changing the deeming rules in the next pre-budget report, however with the government going on about making massive cuts etc, I'm not holding my breath. If they don't change the rules then I will be looking into human rights law because I firmly believe that students are treated with discrimination because they are students. I will also be looking to take the story to a wider audience and have several contacts who I can speak to.

The Burton Mail did a fantastic job in reporting on the awards and the story can be read by clicking here. If you do a search on their site and type in my name you can read all the stories they have published. In terms of fund raising, the cycle ride fund for the London to Paris went over the £6,000 mark last week and there is still another couple of hundred pounds to add, so I think by the time it's closed we will be looking at close to six and a half thousand pounds, so a big thank you to everyone who has donated, helped and supported me. I intend to do the Lymphoma Association's cycle ride next year and have one or two other ideas up my sleeve.

So that's it at present, I'm still also pursuing the public speaking side of things and last week I also appeared in a video produced by MacMillan that will be shown to GPs prior to a Primary Care Conference this week. In two weeks I am attending the Best Practice Seminar at Queen's Hospital Burton to speak to them.

In terms of the book, it is still selling steadily, we recently ordered another ten copies. If you would like a copy please visit the Book section of the website and details of how to buy it are on there.

Today (Tuesday), I've gone back to work. I'm only there part time at the moment and to be honest, that is enough. I found it quite stressful and tiring, but it was an important step to take and I took it. I shall be doing part time hours at the moment, gradually working up to full time in the next few weeks.

I've had an invite from the Lymphoma Association to attend the Beacon of Hope Awards in September, I don't know yet whether I've been shortlisted for an award, but the invite is regardless of that, so I'll be hotfooting it down to London soon. The counselling is ongoing and I feel it is making a real difference. I'm back at the doctors again in mid September and also have a blood test to undergo before then.

In terms of everything else, I received a letter from Janet Dean MP last week and with it a copy of a letter she'd received from Kitty Ussher's replacement. They are postponing changing the deeming rules for students with long term illnesses due to the current economic climate. I feel this a cop out, how much will it actually cost to actually carry out these changes? It's very easy to blame everything on the current economic climate. I will of course be continuing to pursue this and have already sent off an email back to Janet Dean MP and have also cc'd the Lymphoma Association and MacMillan. The local newspaper has also been updated. Janet Dean will be meeting the MP for the DWP and we will see what comes of that. I have contact numbers for National Newspapers and if the answers I receive aren't to my satisfaction, then I shall be contacting them.

I also received a reply this week from one of the balloon labels that was sent out on Mel's birthday. It came from a six year old lad who found the label on his dad's farm in Barrow upon Humber. That means that particular balloon had travelled about 100 miles. It also means that some of the others may have landed in the North Sea :).

As expected, Mel's birthday was very emotional. Fourteen balloons were released by friends and family and I baked Mel's favourite chocolate cake and that was shared out too. It was all very low key, but I know she would have approved of what was done. Today (Thursday), I've felt absolutely drained, but so glad I made the effort. It will be interesting to see if we get any emails back saying where the balloons were found. They were last seen heading north!!! Liverpool played Stoke last night at Anfield and I just know that had Mel still been with us, we'd have been there watching the game, that would have been her birthday present and we'd have visited the Blob in the city beforehand to see the guys from Champions League night. Of course, there is also the thoughts of what a 22 year old Melissa Alice Leech would have been like. Would she have changed? Still been the same? Sadly, I can only guess. Today also signals the start of two years since diagnosis and all that brings. It's a sad time as thoughts drift back to those first days in hospital, the hope, the fear, it still haunts me. I look at the clock and think what was happening two years ago.

A bereavement section on the Lymphoma Association's website message board was opened this week. Another difference that we've made for Mel. I have posted on there and I'm sure in time others will use it to share their thoughts, experiences etc.

My appetite is still absent without leave. I went to the doctor on Monday and he says it's anyone's guess as to when it will come back and there is a possibility it may never return. Time will tell. I'm still eating minimalist amounts, but my weight has levelled out. The issues surrounding my lymphocyte count are being argued out by the consultant and haematologist and I have to have another blood test in mid September. The scan was clear so I can forget about that. My plan is to return to work on September 1st.

It's been two weeks since my last confession. What has happened? Well, I've had some bad days, but they've been outnumbered by the good days. The reasons for the bad days are many and varied and we are approaching that time of year when certain anniversaries come thick and fast. I've had an appointment again with the counsellor again and that is really helping, as did the appointment with the Psychiatric Consultant. I think I've learnt more about myself in the last couple of weeks than I have in the last 40 years!

Good news regarding the book, St. Giles are going to be using it as a resource book to help others. I'm still in contact with MacMillan about them doing the same. It's so good to know that so many people are getting benefit from our experience and it continues to help people. I've had more really nice emails from people, some of whom I know, some of whom I've never met and they help with my own recovery.

My appetite is still shot to pieces and is showing no signs of returning. I've started going out short distances on Delilah, hoping that maybe that would kick start it, but as yet it hasn't happened. I continue to live mainly on sandwiches. The weight is hovering around the 90kg mark which is about 14 and a half stone in English money. I don't feel unhealthy, but energy wise, it does take it out of me, not eating properly. I also find that talking to the counsellor/consultant very draining too. I suppose there's a lot of emotional stuff coming out that's been locked away for a long time and that is very tiring.

Next Wednesday is Mel's 22nd birthday. We were unsure what to do, but I had the idea of inviting the grandparents round for the afternoon. I'm going to make a birthday cake and then release a dozen balloons (red ones of course). They will have tags on them with the mad4mel website address and the lymphoma association website address on them and they will ask people to email me and say where they've found them. It's a nice way to mark Mel's birthday and also it's another way of raising awareness of the disease! If you would like to make a donation to the Lymphoma Association to mark Mel's birthday then you can do so by visiting www.lymphomas.org.uk Once on the site, go to Melissa Leech's Tribute Fund and you can make a donation. For £10 you can light a candle and leave your name on there.

So that's about it for now, like I say, feeling better, still a way to go, but I'm getting there. This next week will no doubt be a tough one. Mel's birthday, memories of two years ago and the hospital diagnosis etc and of course the start of yet another Premier League season. I heard a comment on the TV the other day that said that with Alonso going to Madrid there were only two players left at Liverpool from the 2005 Champions League side. Gerrard and Carragher. Mel's favourites. Another reminder that all these changes are going on and she's not here to enjoy them. Happy Birthday Mooch x

As the headline says, I feel as though I've turned a corner in the last week. It's a very gradual corner rather than a sharp bend, but I'm heading in the right direction. I think the pills are slowly beginning to kick in and I'm off the sleeping tablets. Apparently, Zopiclone's are quite addictive they are usually only prescribed for a few weeks at a time. The first couple of nights were terrible for sleep, but then some advice from the doctor about restful sleep was taken on board and I've had a couple of good drug unaffected night's sleep. The advice was simple really and is available from http://www.patient.co.uk/ . Just type in sleep and it will give you loads of info. It must be a good site because Dr. T uses it! Simple things like no caffeine six hours before bedtime, relax before you go to bed and most importantly of all, use ear plugs. Being a light sleeper, I hear everything, so the ear plugs are brilliant, I pop them in and drift off into a world of my own. I still wake up in the night, but getting off to sleep is easier as there aren't any distractive noises to keep me awake.

My mind is still all over the place at times, but again as the pills take over my brain, that should ease. I find that I am very analytical of Mel's disease at the moment, something I've done before. I'm questioning the ifs, whats ands and maybes as well as the Whys. I visited the bereavement counsellor on Tuesday and that was really useful. Just to be able to sit and talk about everything was good, I didn't get much from our meeting back in March, but it was different being one to one on Tuesday and I found it very helpful. I'm booked in again for another session in a couple of weeks. The doctor's visit went pretty much as expected. Weight still down, no news on the lymphocyte count, meeting with consultant being arranged. The other addition to my ailments at present is a swelling in the lower groinal region. They think it is a hydrocele, but I need a scan just to be sure there is nothing else nasty down there (so to speak) and that is booked for Monday 10th August. It never rains, but it pisses down!!!

I've had a couple of lovely emails from people off the lymphoma association message board and they really do help to lift my spirits. I've also been speaking to the Lymphoma Association about the possibility of having a section on the site for bereaved friends, families and carers. I think it would help and the idea has been put forward to the powers that be. It is difficult to talk about bereavement on the message board because there is so much positivity on there, but sadly people do die from Lymphoma and it would be nice to have somewhere where people could go and talk, swap information and maybe even arrange to meet.

Finally, I picked up Delilah today. For those of you who don't know, Delilah is my new bike. She's been in the shop waiting for me for four weeks and so I got a lift into town and brought her back home. She's brilliant and I can't wait to take her out on the roads. It won't be just yet, my energy levels need building a bit before I go out on her, but she's there waiting for me, all shiny and blue!

For the first time in a few weeks I can feel my mood lifting slightly, not a big amount, but enough for me to feel a difference. Due in no small part I'm sure to the tablets, the dosage of which has been doubled in the last couple of days.

As you will notice if you read below, my last visit to the doctor was on Thursday 15th July, with a follow up appointment on Tuesday 28th July. That all changed over the weekend following a visit from Pauline (Mel's District Nurse), who after looking at me thought I should see Dr. T again sooner, so an appointment was booked for Wednesday. I had a good chat with Dr. T about things and whilst he was concerned, he said he wasn't overly worried, but on saying that he did want to refer me to a consultant. The main worry at the moment is my appetite which has just vanished. Six weeks ago I was eating cereal for breakfast, sausage sandwich mid morning, sandwich and crisps for lunch, full plate at tea, snacks in between and biscuits. Now, I could go all day with nothing to eat and I still wouldn't feel hungry. At present I live on mainly toast or cheese and crackers, with the odd biscuit in between. What is worrying is that although I know I have to eat, nothing takes my fancy and furthermore, I don't feel hungry. This has resulted in some weight loss. Last Thursday I was 94 kilos. By Wednesday I was down to 90. The other problem I have is that what I do eat, doesn't stay eaten and just goes through me. Coffee gives me terrible stomach pains too, which is strange. When I stand up I feel dizzy, it's all very strange.

All the blood test results came back normal with one exception. My lymphocyte count has, for the last 18 months been steadily dropping. As you can imagine, words with lympho in them do startle me a bit . . . nympho, I can cope with, but lympho does make my ears prick up. Anyway, the story is that in March of 2008 my count was 1.8. Since then every blood test I've had has seen it drop to the point where, when it was at 1.2, Dr T contacted Mel's consultant Dr. Smith to ask his opinion. There wasn't any cause for concern at that stage but it needed monitoring. It has since gone down again twice to the point where it is now 0.8. I think the worry isn't necessarily in the score, but more the fact that it's slowly declining, so again the haematologist has been called and I await their opinion. The lower the count, the harder it is to fight off infection and 1.0 is considered the average, so I'm not in danger or anything, but I would prefer it to be rising a little.

So that's it really, I'm weak, I'm tired, I'm trying to force myself to eat. I'm trying to force myself to do more exercise, but with no food to fuel my body that is hard to do. The doc says that when I start feeling better then I should walk and cycle to help my recovery. Maybe next week I'll pick up my new bike which has been in the shop for the last four weeks!!!!

I've also made initial contact with the bereavement counsellor, so that should be happening soon.

I went to see the doctor a week last Tuesday. I’ve had a rough few weeks and after a weekend spent in hospital with Becky, I needed a break. I wasn’t depressed, I was grief-stricken. Of course, on my work sick certificate, the doctor can’t put grief as a reason for my time off, it has to be labelled stress. If only it were that simple. I’ve felt lower these past few weeks than I have in a long time. I think completing the cycle rides and having the book published drained me emotionally, far more than I ever imagined. They had kept me going. In some of the darkest times there was always the need to carry on, to train for the rides, to finish the next chapter. With the completion of the Lymphoma Association ride that all finished and suddenly, it seemed there was nothing.

Also, there was an overwhelming feeling that nothing had changed. I’d cycled all those miles, written all those words, but nothing had changed. Mel was still not with me and nothing I had done had made the slightest bit of difference. I struggled with the fact that Becky was coming home. Again, there would just be the three of us, three is an odd number and I feel the odd one out. Julie and Becky are working together during the day and have so much to talk about. I feel lonely. I know it may sound selfish, but it’s how I feel and sometimes that can’t be helped. People keep saying to “remember I have another daughter” which I find insensitive. I feel a sense of guilt and responsibility that Becky has lost her sister. Sounds silly doesn’t it? I can’t help it. My mind plays crazy tricks on me at times and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Last Friday I was sat in hospital with Becky. I knew she’d be ok, she was in the right place, the doctors had spotted whatever it was and she would be fine. I sat at her bedside and all I could think was why the hell didn’t we get Mel to hospital sooner? How crap was I not to have noticed that something was extraordinarily wrong? What if we could turn the clock back two years and could have Mel seen by a consultant. Why was I so blind? So stupid? I walked miles. I talked to myself, talked to Mel and tried to break away from the way I was feeling. I remember talking to Mel when she was alive about styles of football management and how some players need an arm round the shoulder, whilst other’s need a kick up the arse. I need the arm. The kick up the arse sends me further and further away. I have never believed in suicide, but I can understand how people get there. There are times this week when the river has looked inviting and the sleeping tablets like smarties, but maybe because Mel never had a choice and I have, then I carry on, however hard it may be … or maybe I’m just a coward and haven’t the courage. Of course, people will say I should think of others, but as I’ve found out, life goes on, people carry on and nothing really changes. Mel dying hasn’t changed the world, people still fight and argue over the most stupid of things and people move on. They always will. There are times when I think that if I knew 100% if I took my own life I’d be reunited with Mel then I’d do it. Selfish? Probably, but then losing Mel has made me selfish. Another comment I hear is “Oh well, at least you’ve still got Becky”. . . Becky is not compensation. She's not a consolation prize. I had two daughters. I still want two daughters. Why should I be grateful that I’ve got one left? I had two children and I still want two.

I know doctors/experts would say that I am depressed. I’m suffering from grief. I need to find purpose once more. A few days ago I received two letters in the post. One, a home made card, from the Lymphoma Association thanking me for all I’d done in the past year and how they appreciated it. Secondly, a letter from my MP regarding the changing of the rules regarding financial support for students with long term illnesses. It said how they were continuing to fight for a change and a meeting would be set up with the new Minister. Glimmers of light and something to fight for.

I want to start cycling again and the support I’ve received from my L2P cycling buddies (you know who you are) has been appreciated more than I can say and long may it continue. The good news for them is that I’ve actually reached the 15 stone target weight for the parachute jump, but it’s not a form of diet I’d recommend. My appetite is shot to pieces at the moment and I just don't feel hungry at all. I live on cheese and crackers. On Tuesday and Thursday of this week I visited Aston University, it was graduation day for a lot of Mel's friends and I wanted to be there to support them. I knew that spiritually, if there was one place Mel was going to be this week, it would be Aston. She wouldn't have necessarily been graduating herself, but she would definitely have been there supporting her friends. I was made to feel really welcome and it gave me a real boost.

On Thursday I visited Dr. T, the GP who was closest to Mel during her illness. My ten minute appointment slot last forty minutes. A proper doctor who was prepared to sit and listen to all that was worrying me. The result is that I have some tablets to hopefully give me and my appetite a boost. A full on blood test which I expect to come back normal, but which was done as a precautionary measure just in case the loss of appetite is due to another issue and a scan too which is in relation to something else that was worrying me.

I have to go back to see the doctor in ten days to discuss how things are progressing. Hopefully by then, the appetite will be returning and I'll be keeping the food down. That is another issue at the moment, what little I do eat doesn't stay down for long. I sleep a lot too. I think that's the nature of the grief and also the lack of food. The doctor has also suggested that I attend bereavement counselling again, but on my own. On my sickness certificate for work he didn't put depression, he didn't write stress, he wrote "A natural reaction to grief".

So, that's where I am at the moment, I hope I've gone as low as I am going to go and from hereon in I can begin to head back to a more comfortable place. It won't happen overnight, but given time I shall be back cycling, walking the Alf for miles and miles and playing five a side.

The truth is I'm struggling at the moment, I'm missing Mel and I'm hurting. On Friday I was having a bad day, I couldn't concentrate and I was quite tearful. I took Becky to the doctor's for a routine appointment at 4.50pm. By 5.15pm I was parking the car at Queen's Hospital as Becky was referred by her GP to A n E with suspected appendicitis. I dropped Becky off at the entrance and I went and parked the car. I walked down the corridors and the memories came flooding back and I found I'd walked past A & E and was heading toward Ward 7. It was as if I expected Mel to still be there, waiting for me to go and see her. It was horrible. A bad day turned horrendous. I walked into A & E to see Becky in exactly the same cubicle as Mel was in when she was diagnosed the day after her 20th birthday. It's a week before Becky's twentieth. And to cap it all, there in his green tunic was the doctor who first realised that there was something more to Mel's illness than tonsillitis or a chest infection.

I then sat with Becky whilst she was asked the same questions Mel had been asked two years previous and then sat and held her hand whilst they inserted a cannula. She squeezed my hand in just the same way Mel had done. We spent the evening in A & E before Becky was admitted to a ward. The majority of Saturday was spent at the hospital. Thankfully, it looks like Becky will be released today, but we really didn't need this. I haven't eaten since Thursday, I tried to have a meal yesterday, but what I ate went straight through me. I can't seem to keep big meals down at the moment, but it's not for the want of trying.

Becky being taken in to A & E was traumatic enough, but the emotional side of it, for us all was huge and like I said, something we could well do without. I can't speak for Julie and Becky, but I feel battered, as if losing Mel and all that entailed wasn't enough, we then have this, which by comparison is nothing, but the emotion that comes from it, is draining. The whole reminder of the hospital thing being brought back in glorious Technicolor!!! I wonder when I'm gonna get a break, the way things are going it will probably be an ankle or a leg!!!

Not much to report this week. Emotions pretty much the same as last week and one day in particular was not good. The main news this week is that there's been another article in the Burton Mail, this time about the invite to speak at the Hospital's Best Practice day in October. There are some great quotes from Dr. Ahmad, who was one of Mel's consultants. To view the article go to click here.

The longest day. Every day seems long at the moment, some seem never ending. Life seems like a game of snakes and ladders at the moment, the book launch and the cycle rides are the ladders that give you a lift, but inevitably, this time of year sees me landing on a snake that takes me all the way back to the start. At this time two year ago, Mel's symptoms were beginning to surface and minds are cast back yet again, wondering if we could have changed things, could things have been different. This week the football fixtures came out, another reminder that August is fast approaching and with it Mel's 22nd birthday and the fact that it's two years since diagnosis. I was reading a blog entry from this time last year yesterday evening and the hurt and pain expressed then are every bit as real now. Time isn't healing.

Reading last week's blog you may see mention of Kitty Ussher MP. She is due a meeting with my own MP, Janet Dean regarding the financial support for students with long term illnesses. Guess what, this week, "she resigned to save the government further embarrassment" or to put in in real terms, she's been caught fiddling her expenses. She's done nothing wrong of course and chances are it will be an oversight, but it is really beginning to piss me off. All that needs doing is a simple amendment to the law or the rules. If a student falls ill with a long term illness, they get benefit, they don't have to use their student loan (which unlike other members of society who fall ill, students have to pay back). It's not rocket science. Just do it!!!! What is also very annoying is whilst we were struggling to make ends meet and trying to find money to drive to hospital to see our seriously ill daughter, these scavengers were claiming obscene amounts of money for all manner of things. Yet as soon as they get caught, bang, the rules on their expenses change in the blink of an eye. Ten percent of what some of those thieving ministers were claiming would have been enough to see us through. Please note, I wanted ten per cent, I'm not being greedy and wanting more than I'm entitled too.

I've put actions in place this week to see about doing some public speaking, I've spoken to a few people and hopefully something should come of that. I'm looking toward the Round Table, Rotary Clubs, WI etc.

Nothing much else to report this week, apologies if it's a moaney one, but sometimes it has to be, the truth is I still miss her as much as ever.

Following on from the London to Paris, I completed the Norwich to Norwich via Ipswich this weekend. Approximately 135 miles of East Anglian countryside over two days to raise funds and awareness of Lymphoma. The ride is organised by the Lymphoma Association and there were 30 - 40 cyclists taking part. I took the first day at a leisurely pace but I missed my L2P cycling buddies. Their messages and texts helped to get me through though and I rolled into the car park of the Holiday Inn at Ipswich around half past three on Saturday afternoon. Sunday, I wanted to see what all my training over the last six months had done and I decided to up my pace. I set off and was first past the post for the morning ride. I know it's not a race and I didn't treat it is one, but it was a good feeling to be first and the look on Julie's face (who thought I may have cheated) made coming in first all the better. The afternoon I continued to give it the STP (Stream Team Power), but a wrong turning by the A11 bridge put paid to any hopes of repeating the morning's finish, but I did come in the top six.

So that's my two sponsored events over, the Lymphoma Association will be around six and a half to seven grand better off, I've made some amazing friends and I've grown to love going out on my bike and whilst these have been my first sponsored cycle events, I'm sure they won't be my last. I've been to look at a new bike today and can't wait to get out and about in the saddle again.

We've ordered some more books this week, as we have now all but sold the initial 150. Also, on the news front, a letter arrived from my MP, Janet Dean on Saturday to say that they are continuing to fight for students with long term illnesses to given better financial support and the meeting with Kitty Ussher is to discuss funding. More on that as and when it happens, but it's good news.

I have had an article in the Burton Local News magazine and also a piece I wrote for the Lymphoma Association Annual Review has now been published too. I'm now looking ahead to the next few months and see where things take us. The work with the Lymphoma Association is the most important part of whatever we do, other stuff will fit in and around. I know we're probably never going to reach the fundraising heights that we've achieved this year, but we can help in other ways, particularly where awareness is concerned.

Thank you again to everyone who sponsored me on the cycle rides, you make such a difference for Mel and she would be so proud of you. When Mel contracted pneumonia in October 2007, she said that her aim was to get better, get her degree and look toward working full time for a charity. She appreciated the work they do and the help they give. Although Mel never got to fulfil her new found dream, we like to think that events such as have occurred over the past couple of weeks help us to do it on her behalf.

Well, my London to Paris adventure is over. It started with an amazing ride from St. Pancras station to Blackheath last Tuesday and ended under the Eiffel Tower on Saturday afternoon. In between times I met some amazing people and made some new friends, who I hope to stay in touch with for many years to come. Following my ride from the station to Greenwich, in which I got lost near Lewisham, I met up with fellow cyclists and people I'd exchanged messages with on the forum. We had a leisurely afternoon in the sunshine before heading into the nearby village for a meal. Next morning we were up at 5am, breakfasting at 6am and cycling to Dover at 7am.

The first day was probably the hardest physically, the time constraints, meant less time stopping and chatting, and more time cycling, though the leafy Kent lanes we cycled on at times did allow you to catch up with fellow cyclists and exchange stories about why you were doing this mad, crazy thing. Some of the Kent hills were tough and one in particular got the better of me and I ended up walking the last 30 yards or so up it. This was the only one throughout the entire trip that I walked up. I had my front bar bag packed with goodies and of course my camera and on the top a picture of Mel and I to spur me on when it got tough. We reached Dover at 4pm, boarded the ferry a couple of hours later and set sail for France.

A great day, our group was well and truly formed from the previous day, there was myself, Bex, Becky, Michelle (Boo and Moo), and Dave P. They were all great company and I know I couldn't have got through the ride without them. They kept me smiling. Dave P is currently cycling to Geneva, but rather than race on ahead, he stuck with us and powered up the hills. We cycled through quiet French villages with their brightly coloured frontages and shuttered windows, alongside streams where we stopped for many a photo opportunity. As we had left London the previous day I'd had it pointed out to me that one of my spokes had gone. The support crew had spares, but none that would fit my bike. They said they'd try and get one for me and true to their word, they got one in Abbeville. We arrived at the hotel and they sorted it out. Two days cycling and over 150 miles with a wobbly wheel. The evening was spent in the hotel bar and the laughter continued until tiredness got the better of us all.

By far the hardest day mentally. There was no time constraint, but there were a lot of hills. The word undulating had been used on the two previous days to describe the terrain, today we were told it was hilly. There was also the promise of a bar/cafe by a stream that didn't materialise. Despite the emotion though, we saw each other through, still took a fair few pictures and enjoyed another evening in the hotel bar.

So far the weather had been practically perfect, but today the rain came, not a lot of it, but enough to dampen the roads into Paris. The roads were mainly flat, although there were a couple of "beastly" hills that tested us. My gears were playing up in the morning and as a consequence I had to cycle the 30 odd morning miles in third gear! As ever though the support team were on hand to fix them at the lunch stop and I was ok in the afternoon. Driving through Paris was a memorable experience, I seemed to take the lead for some reason and I managed to keep our group, and a few others, together through the Parisian streets to the meet up point, a mile or so from the Eiffel Tower. We drove that last mile to the sound of cheering shoppers and rugby fans, who were in the capital for the French Rugby Cup Final. Word has it we were stopped by the police to let Michelle Obama and her children pass by in her car and she waved at our group, although I didn't see that personally. We cycled round the Arc de Triomphe, up the Champs Elysse and to the Eiffel Tower, where I was met by Becky and my sister Karen, her husband and children. The cyclists had a celebratory meal in the hotel in the evening with friends and family and four of our group sat up till 2am reminiscing about the trip and reliving the laughs we'd had.

I had breakfast and walked to the Eiffel Tower to meet up with Becky. As I sat waiting for her the emotion began to hit me. I wanted Mel there, I wanted to tell her what we'd achieved for her. The tears duly arrived as for the first time in days the realisation began to sink in as to why I'd been getting up at 6am at weekends, cycling miles and miles on my own in all kinds of weather. I've said before on this blog that grief hits hardest when you least expect it, it certainly hit me that morning as I sat underneath the tower. After walking up to the first level of the tower with Becky and her friends, we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I joined my new cycling friends, Michelle and Bex and we spent the rest of the morning watching the world go by under the tower. A few hours later and I was on my way back with some fantastic memories and more importantly, fantastic friends. We said our goodbyes at the station, promising to keep in touch. I'm sure we will. I caught the train home and arrived back in Burton at 10pm.

Of course, that is just a brief summary of the ride, there are a stack of other memories I could write about, but Delilah, patches, Woo hoo, hoo hoo hoo, etc, wouldn't translate so well on here, you had to be there!

Monday was a day of catching up, paying sponsor money into the bank, sorting out book orders and trying to download nearly 400 photographs. Tuesday I went back to work. I started off fine, but after an hour or so, I couldn't stop crying, the emotion of it all washed over me and I had to come home. It's another sign that the grief I'm feeling for Melissa is never far away, always there and just waiting to pounce. It's a vicious circle that I'm trapped in. I can't sit around and do nothing because when I'm alone that's when I have time to think and thinking isn't good. I need to do these things to stop my mind from being drowned by all that happened during Mel's illness. I still have plans for things I want to do, but when projects are completed there is always this realisation that nothing I do changes anything. It doesn't bring Mel back. I've written a book, I've raised money, I've cycled to Paris, but nothing has changed, there's still an empty place at the dinner table, there's still a mobile phone unused at the side of the bed. Nothing I do can bring her back and that's what I want more than anything in the world.

Tomorrow, I may be fine, but today I can't even think about Mel without crying. I can't do anything about it, I have to just let it happen. I suppose the months of training and the week of actually doing the ride have caught up with me. Of course, come Friday, it's off to East Anglia to do it all again, this time just a couple of days, but still 128 miles. I suppose the two questions I'm asked more than any now are 1) Would I do it again? and 2) Have I had enough of cycling? Well, yes I'd do it again and in terms of cycling, lets just say I'm currently looking to buy a new bike!!!!!

The pictures of the ride can be seen on Facebook (if you can't access them, just add me as a friend and I'll accept you) and also on my own personal photo site which can be accessed by clicking the link on the left.

Thank you again to everyone who sponsored me, we're heading towards £5,500 for the London to Paris and £1,000 for the Lymphoma ride, so thanks again to everyone. Thanks to all the other cyclists who made the trip, and special thanks to to my fellow riders, Michelle, Bex from Wales, Dave P and Becky for making it such a memorable trip.

Well, another 48 hours and I shall be on my way to London. Another 72 hours and I'll be on my way to Paris. Training is all done, well as all done as it was ever going to be and apart from the gentle ten miles through the streets of London on Tuesday lunchtime, that's it. The bike has had the once over and after a good clean this afternoon, will hopefully be raring to go.

My only dilemma at the moment is which bag to use to pack my stuff in. I'm travelling light, no, in fact, I'm travelling very light. The big question today is pants. How many do I need. Do I need any at all? Cyclists don't wear pants apparently. Anyway, enough of pants, there's just a few last minute items to get this morning. Work tomorrow and then that's it. Am I looking forward to it? Yes and No. It will be an adventure, albeit maybe a painful one.

I am hoping to put small updates on Facebook and Twitter as I travel along. If you're a twitterer then feel free to add me, my twitter name is melsdadian. I will hopefully be taking some pics along the way too.

Nothing much else to report this week. I've still had no reply from the communications department at Nottingham City Hospital. It's now been three weeks and three phone calls since I first contacted them. I've also had no response as yet from Janet Dean to my email last week. Nottingham are annoying me slightly, considering the book is raising funds for them, you'd think that they'd have the decency to respond. I can feel a letter coming on when I get back from Paris.

Radio Merseyside have also expressed an interest in doing a piece on the book when I return from my two cycling trips (Remember, I'm doing the Lymphoma Association ride a week later). If you want to order a copy of the book, then do so by using the link on the left.

Please note, next week's update will be later than usual as I don't get back from Paris until late on Sunday evening. Thanks to everyone who has sponsored me and anyone who still wants to sponsor me can do so by going towww.justgiving.com/4mel .

Following all the hectic activity of the previous week, the last seven days have been somewhat quieter. Book sales have been steady and along with the sales there have been several kind comments from people who have already read it.

The countdown to Paris is now well and truly on, with the cycle ride due to start a week on Wednesday. Training hasn't been easy over the last few weeks for a lot of reasons, but on Saturday I peddled my way to Mel's bench and back, a total of 66 miles. I'd done 21 the previous day and today I did a short 8 mile circuit. Saturday was the last of the big rides before the "big ride". This week will be a few shorter trips as I keep the legs turning over. The sponsorship is still coming in too and thanks to all who have dug deep, it is for a brilliant cause and I know the Lymphoma Association are grateful for the support we give them. Mel too, would be so proud.

I had a letter from Janet Dean this week to say that she is trying to set up a meeting with Kitty Ussher MP regarding the benefits situation for students with long term illnesses. I must admit I'm surprised at this as I don't see why another meeting is needed. We have letters stating that they hoped to sort this out by the end of 2008. We also have letters saying the current system is unfair and needs to be changed so quite why another meeting with an MP is needed, I'm not sure. I always thought we were told to vote on the party and not the person. That said, surely the party have made the decision to change things. I will reply to Janet Dean over the weekend and try to get a further explanation. I suppose MP's have had a lot on their minds recently. My own view is if they've defrauded anyone they should be prosecuted, but apparently if you're an MP and you make false claims you've made an error of judgement. I'm sure the prisons are full of people who made errors of judgement. It does annoy me that whilst they were fiddling their expenses and cheating the system, we were struggling to make ends meet and relying on charitable donations to keep our heads above water. Melissa didn't receive a penny for five months whilst some of those in power were lining their pockets with bloody duck houses and moats. You can understand why I'm not that happy with any politicians at the moment.

That is something that I will get my teeth back into when the cycle rides are over and done with.

Last week was so busy it was untrue. From the moment I finished last week's blog entry to today so much has happened. After finishing writing on here last week, I sent out a few emails to various media places regarding the book. On Monday, the first anniversary of Mel passing away we went up to Birkenhead to collect the books and met Becky in Liverpool. We spent some time walking round the city, Mel loved the place and the memories of her walking through the centre with her flag came flooding back. Happy memories. The sadness comes with the knowledge that you'll never have the opportunity to share those times together again. On Saturday evening on Match of the Day they mentioned the Hillsborough Memorial game, Liverpool Legends v An Allstars eleven. Mel and I would have gone. I know we would. It would have been our time and the knowledge that days like that are over crush you. Whilst in Liverpool we had a coffee in Jamie Carragher's Sports Bar (he makes a mean coffee does Jamie) and then we went to Birkenhead to collect the books.

Tuesday was spent doing interviews with BBC Radio Derby and BBC Radio Nottingham and we've had positive responses from both of those. I also went to see Dr. Haynes at Nottingham City Hospital to give him a copy of the book. He asked me to get in touch with the communications lady at the hospital. There is a big initiative in the hospital at present regarding the needs and wants of patients and he felt the book would be useful and the hospital could benefit from it. He said again that Mel had had a profound effect on him and that she was very special and that brought a tear to my eye. We finished the day off at Queen's hospital and spoke to Debbie and Pat and Wendy the canula queen before meeting Pauline Spratt from the League of Friends and handing her some books to sell on our behalf.

On Wednesday we went to Aston Uni to deliver some books to Carly and Dan as they are distributing them for us, so if you're at uni and haven't as yet picked up your copy, please get in touch with Carly Lewis or Dan Malone. On the way to Aston we called in and saw Dr. Jai and gave her her copy. I had an email timed at 12.50am the following day to say she'd read it and thought it was wonderful. On Thursday I sent out a few emails to various charities asking if they could promote it for us. MacMillan replied saying that they do not promote books although they may be interested in using it as a resource book, which in itself would be a great result.

On Friday evening I received a call from Dr. Ahmad, one of Mel's consultants and the person who saw her through her bout of pneumonia. When you get a message on your home phone asking you to ring Dr. Ahmad, you do worry. My first thought was "Oh no, what have I put in there to upset him". It wasn't that though. Quite the opposite. He'd bought a copy and was ringing to congratulate me on it. He'd not read it in detail, but was impressed with what he'd seen and he told me he had emailed about five people (all with long titles after their names), one I remember was the Director of Nursing and Services. Anyway, the upshot is, they want Julie and I to attend a Best Practice day at the hospital and to speak about our experience and up forward any ideas we feel could improve things. It left me speechless, but so proud. That is what I call Making a Difference 4 Mel.

On Saturday I got back on the cycle and I could tell I'd been off it a week. Only two weeks now till London to Paris, I've managed to sort my travel out and I'm now going down by train. I did 27 miles on Saturday followed by another 16 today, not the 75 recommended, but it will do for now. I aim to get on the bike and do at least ten miles every day between now and when I leave.

If you would like a copy of the book, One Day at a Time, please visit the link on the left to order. All orders direct from ourselves, the hospital league of Friends and the Burton Mail make £5.50 profit per copy sold. Orders from online book sources such as Amazon etc do not. Please do NOT order from Amazon, WH Smith, Waterstones etc as they take a large percentage that gives us back only a small profit.

I can't really begin to describe how we're all feeling this week. Tomorrow (Monday) will be a year to the date since Mel passed away. Today (Sunday) is a year to the day. As I've mentioned before, you get two shots of every anniversary in the first year. But it is just an anniversary and our pain doesn't really surface any more or any less than on other days. Anniversaries are just dates, moments in time when we know that certain events occurred, our own personal "anniversaries" happen throughout everyday. They are things that happened all the time, the phone calls, the texts, the long chats, the times the four of us sat down to eat a meal. They are constantly there, surfacing in our minds, most times hourly, always daily. This week has been hard as we cast our minds back to those awful days before the 11th May. Watching our daughter die before our eyes and at times almost wishing she would die so she would be out of the pain she was having to endure. No-one should be in a position where they are almost wishing their child would die, it's not how life is supposed to be.

The cycling has continued this week, another fifty odd miles chalked up on Saturday, this time over the hills of Cannock Chase. The ride is just three weeks away now.

The book will be available as from Monday/Tuesday. We're picking them up on Monday and then we'll start to distribute them. The Burton Mail have kindly agreed to sell them (and are not taking a percentage), as have the Hospital league of friends. So as from Tuesday they will be available at those outlets, as well as from ourselves. Details are available by clicking the Book Order link on this website. Also, if you search on Ebay by entering One Day at a Time, you can purchase off there too.

Following the puncture and broken spoke of last week, the bike went in for repair and service this week. Consequently, I've not been cycling, but did go on a couple of runs. The first was ok, the second didn't really happen as Alfie wanted to firstly make friends with an Airedale, then make friends with a guy in jeans and white trainers and finally pinch a golf ball whilst it was in play. My planned run was more of a stop start walk/run. Yesterday I was back in the saddle and did a round trip of 56 miles. I combined my trip with a visit to one of Mel's consultant's, Dr. Jai. It was lovely to see her and her family.

Today I've followed up my 56 miles of yesterday with a hilly 20 mile ride. Tomorrow, I plan to do another shorter ride but I'm starting off by going up Rangemore Hill and that's a big steepy one.

We've had the second proof of the book back and all the alterations that we wanted to make have been made so it's now a case of copies being printed. We're still on course for launching during the week of 11th May. On the Tuesday, the 12th, I'm being interviewed on BBC Radio Nottingham about the book. I also have possible interviews on Radio WM and Radio Derby. There's also an article going in the Burton Mail so hopefully, we're getting some good local publicity. I've tried a couple of national radio stations/TV, but nothing doing at the moment.

I've set up a Facebook group for people who may be interested in buying a copy. Anyone can join if they're a Facebook member and it was just to give us an idea of numbers to order. The book will be available at the Queen's Hospital League of Friend's shop and I'm also in discussion with the WRVS at Nottingham City Hospital and also the Burton Mail.

Details of postage and packing costs for America have also been added to the "book section" as has the link to the E-bay site. Please bear in mind when ordering off E-bay, the book isn't released until week commencing 11th May and as with other orders, will be despatched that week.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that there aren't any joys when it comes to cycling. I've been out today and ended up with a puncture in my 95% puncture free tyres and a broken spoke in my wheel. Before the aforementioned happened I did manage 22 miles at an average speed of 16.1mph. Thankfully Keith was on hand to come and pick me up and drive me back to base.

It's been a busy weekend, visiting friends on Friday and then over to London for the pre London to Paris ride meeting yesterday in the day before attending the Relay for Life event at Aston. There were candles all around the lake and in memory of people who had cancer, had survived or who like Mel had passed away. The bags in which the candles were placed were decorated with the names of loved ones and it was lovely to see some with Mel's name on. Those of Mel's friends who could make it were there too and we met a lovely lady from Cancer Research UK, a specialist nurse and we spent time chatting to her. We had a fair amount of sponsorship given to ourselves too from various people and that will be put on the London to Paris and Lymphoma Association's respective sites tomorrow. It was very emotional and there were tears in our eyes at times as people spoke of Mel. I also said a few words about the help we received from charities and how the monies raised makes a difference. We also took part in a silent walk around the lake in memory of loved ones. It was an honour to be there with so many amazing people.

We should receive the second proof of the book this week and once we've skipped through it we'll return it to the publisher and then await its printing. I have set up a Facebook Group called "One Day at a Time", for anyone who thinks they may want a copy of the book. It will give us an idea of how many we need publishing in the first run.

The anniversaries from twelve months ago seem to come thick and fast at the moment. It was twelve months ago on Thursday that we took Mel to Liverpool and made the trip we'd set out to make the previous August. I remember loading up the car with the wheelchair, medicines and oxygen cylinders and that was before we'd got in. I can clearly remember the sun coming out as we walked around the city and Mel telling me to push her in the sunny bits. The previous Saturday we remember because we had a house full of people, relatives and Mel's friends filled the house and she loved every second of it. Special times with special people.

I didn't go to Burton Albion on Friday, I couldn't face it. Had they won there would have been a party atmosphere etc and the only person I would want to share that with was Mel and that wasn't going to happen so I gave it a miss. I'm torn really. Part of me wants them to get promoted, but there's also a tiny part of me that hopes they don't and the only reason for that is that Mel wouldn't be here to share it with and enjoy it. Liverpool going for the league, Albion going for the league, there'd have been no stopping her and it's another reminder of how wrong it is that she isn't here to enjoy these things.

The book can now be pre-ordered. It can be done using PayPal and details and instructions are on this website under the side heading "Order the Book". I visited Queen's Hospital on Tuesday and spoke with Pat Holland and Wendy the Canula Queen. I wanted them to see the finished article as they, of course, feature quite heavily in it. They were all impressed and even spoke about selling them on our behalf in the unit. One place they will definitely be available is the Hospital League of Friends Shop at the entrance to Queen's Hospital. I spoke to the Chairperson of the HLOF and they had a meeting with the powers that be and it's been agreed that they will sell it for us and they won't be taking a cut. It's also looking promising at the Burton Mail too, but I'm still waiting for definite confirmation. Once this week is out of the way I shall be contacting local radio and TV media to see if they can give us some publicity.

This week sees the bike training continue. I did a couple of shorter rides during the week and they went well, if a little lonely. Today I've cycled from Branston in Burton on Trent to Hartington in the Peak District and back. Total miles covered was 73.2 and my average speed was 14mph. Lots of hills to climb including the big ones as you go out of Ashbourne, but I managed to keep on the bike and didn't have to walk up them. The buttocks are ok, if a little tender, my main problem this morning was bloody rabbits and the thing with rabbits is you never quite know what they're going to do next. Pheasants are easy to predict, they just have a death wish and you know that chances are they'll run out in front of you, whereas rabbits start to cross your path, change their mind and then change their mind again before running off. Strange creatures, wild rabbits.

Finally this week, don't forget you can still sponsor me online for both the London to Paris and the Lymphoma Association rides. Details are in the links at the side of this page.

The proof of the book arrived this week and though I say it myself, looks brilliant. The design, layout etc is spot on and Birkenhead press have done a first class job. All that needs doing now is reading it through and checking for any glaring errors. Most of the book is taken from the blogs of Mel and myself so they won't need to be edited grammatically, it's just going through it and checking chapters, continuity etc. The aim is still to have it launched around the 11th May. In terms of people wanting copies, I think I've mentioned before that we are going to try and sell them ourselves, with maybe a little help from a couple of outlets, if they'll do it free of charge. If anyone requires it to be posted out then Postage and Packing will be £3.00 (UK - posting abroad will cost a little more). I'm looking to setting up an eBay site and also the option to buy direct from the website using PayPal. We will be taking advance orders and details of how to order a copy can be found here.

The cycling is going well, I cycle to Mel's bench and back yesterday, a total of 66 miles. My average speed was 15.5 mph which I was quite pleased with. My cycling partner Louise, has had to pull out of the London to Paris ride, so I'm training alone from now on. That is a lot harder, it also means I have to sort out plans to travel to London as I was travelling down with Louise and her husband. It will sort itself out. The ride to Mel's bench was very emotional and brought tears to my eyes when I arrived there. I look at her bench and part of me thinks, yeah it's lovely, just what she wanted . . . another part of me thinks, "stupid fuckin bench, it shouldn't be there at all" Mel should still be here. It has been a tough week emotionally this week, the anniversaries and memories come thick and fast. Watching Liverpool v Chelsea on Wednesday I could only think of Mel last year and the Arsenal game where she missed three goals when she went to the toilet in hospital. She wouldn't have enjoyed Wednesday's result but she'd be saying, it's not over yet, there's still the second leg. I'm going to Burton Albion on Friday, it looks like they've won their league and as with many other things that have happened in life over the last two years, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

The last time Mel and I went to Burton Albion together was on January 1st 2008. She was in a wheelchair and although it was ok, we both said that day that the next time we went back, it would be to stand on the terraces and we'd have season tickets for the 2008-09 season. We never got to attend another game and here we are nearly twelve months later, Burton stand on the verge of the football league and I want Mel to be here to share it. It's nowhere near as much fun watching it on my own. Part of me wants to go and see the final game against Oxford, but if they were to win, I'd want to be able to turn to Mel and share the excitement. Instead there would be this emptiness. I'll make up my mind nearer the time I think.

We had an article in the Burton Mail this week regarding MacMillan. The Mail are promoting a "Bring a £1 to work" week and I commented on how good they were to us, not just the grants we had to help with travel and other expenses, but also their website which Mel used so much.

Wednesday marked the twelve month anniversary of when we learnt that Mel's lymphoma was incurable. It's not an easy time at the moment, it was 12 months ago on Wednesday that we learnt Mel was going to die and twelve months ago on Thursday that we were told how she was going to pass away. The memories are still so clear and as real today as they were at the time. On Tuesday we visited St. Giles Hospice and spoke to one of their bereavement counsellors. It was nice for us to sit and talk about Mel, no time limit, no agenda, just talking about all that happened and her life in general. We are going back to see them again in a couple of weeks. Julie and I have decided to stop doing the National Lottery and instead we are going to take part in St. Giles' Lottery.

I've stepped the cycling up again this weekend. On Saturday I increased the mileage to 53 and followed it up with a shorter ride today. I'll be out tomorrow for a shorter ride and then plan a midweek ride on Wednesday of about 30 miles. The legs ache but I am feeling the benefit. Thanks to Keith for helping me out with a gear problem on my bike. Becky came out on Wednesday and did a ten miler with me, she's certainly getting faster going up Henhurst Hill. For those who aren't aware, Henhurst Hill is a gradual rise over about two miles with a couple of short steep climbs in the middle.

Thank you to the friends and former colleagues at Lichfield Police Station who raised over £45 for the cycle ride and also to Ian Coxhead for his donation. They are both now on the totaliser, which stands at a very healthy . . . . £4388.50

I should get the proof of the book this week. It will then be sent off to Sarah and Julie at the Lymphoma Association as they have kindly agreed to proof read it for us.

Finally this week, Mel's lucky Liverpool shirt continues to do the business, although its magic powers were left till late in the game against Fulham. I haven't dared wash the shirt yet, it's a good job I don't wear it too often and get too excited about the games. I am still split on whether or not I want them to win the league. Part of me does because Mel would have loved it, but another part of me says no because I'd want to be able to share her excitement. I know I'm an Everton fan and shouldn't get excited about Liverpool winning things, but it made Mel happy and the enthusiasm she had for football was unbounded. I could imagine on Saturday evening how she would have reacted when Liverpool scored their late winner and that's what I miss. Not the wins, just sharing in her joy when they win and being able to take the mickey out of her when they lose. It's not the same anymore because all I can do, and all I'll ever be able to do, is imagine.

Following the collection at Burton Albion at the last home game, an announcement was made at yesterday's game along with a mention in the programme of the fantastic amount collected for the Lymphoma Association. Mel's tribute fund on the Lymphoma Association website has now been officially opened. You can access it from this site, just click on the Tribute fund page and it takes you there. Donating is easy and is similar to the just giving process.

On Thursday evening we attended a concert by the Aston University Music Society. We had a lovely time and they dedicated a piece of music to Mel which was lovely. A couple of days before I received a text asking if we fancied a drink afterwards, so we met up with Carly, Dan and Hammad and spent some time chatting to them. I also met Dudley, a person who Mel thought so much of, and it was a real pleasure to shake his hand and tell him so. The society presented us with a score of music and the whole evening was perfect. We took the nanny with us and she enjoyed herself too.

When I was speaking to Dudley, I was telling him how much Mel loved studying at Aston and he said that she was a lovely lady and that Aston was a part of her. He was so right. I stood outside the Guild at the university, looking out across the campus and I can just imagine her there. Her bench has been treated and varnished by the university and looks brilliant.

I'm working on the back cover of the book at the moment and hopefully should finalise that early this week. We'll then wait for our proof copy.

The cycling hasn't gone well this week. For one reason or another, it's been a tough week and I've not had the energy to go out at night, apart from one 10 mile trip with Becky.

I've managed 21 miles today but didn't enjoy it, although my average speed was the highest it's been so far for that particular ride. Maybe I just wanted it over. This week, my intention is to get back to cycling regularly before attempting a big ride on Saturday. I must say, this morning the roads in Burton on Trent didn't help. They are awful. They're uneven, full of potholes and you can't go anywhere without bits of glass twinkling up at you. I hope the roads in France and East Anglia are better, if not, we're in for a bumpy ride.

On Friday Julie and I visited the publisher in Liverpool. The book is now complete, Dr. Smith, Mel's consultant at Burton has done the "Foreward" for us and we've chosen the pictures. It will make about 350 pages and will be paperback size. All we have to do now is to put something together for the back of the book. The publisher is not charging us for producing the book, they're only charging us for the materials, etc. With this in mind we have set the price at £10. Of that, £5.50 will go to our chosen charities. The book can be bought directly from ourselves. Places like WH Smith may stock it, but by the time they've taken their 40%, the money for the charity diminishes a great deal. The same with Amazon. As I say, next week I should be in a position to let everyone how and when they can purchase the book . . . and we will be taking advance orders.

It's been a mixed week for the cycle training, after the 75 miles of last weekend, I had a lapse in the first part of the week, it was a bit of a rough time and I didn't have any energy. However, I forced myself onto the bike and on Thursday did a good twenty miles, followed by another ten, early on Friday morning before we went to Liverpool. Saturday was a no-go as we were picking Becky up from uni for the Easter break, whilst this morning (Sunday) I did a 46 mile ride that took me to Cannock Chase and back. My average speed was under 13 mph, but I was against the wind on the way out and had hills to contend with on the way back. I was also quite proud as I cycled up the hill by Marchington. It's the one opposite the Industrial Estate and if you know the one I mean, you'll know why I was proud to have cycled up it. It's a bastard of a climb!

You will see from the website that the £840 from the Burton Albion collection has been put on. My mum and dad also ran a blackout amongst friends and that raised £30 and also a donation of £20 from one of my mum's friends. The latter two are going onto the Lymphoma Cycle Ride fund, which is now up to £550.

The majority of this last week has been taken up with cycle training. Monday and Tuesday I did two rides of 12 and 14 miles after work and then on Friday I upped it to 20 miles, the last ride being done at an average speed of just under 15mph which at this stage I'm quite happy with. I'm not out to win the Tour de France, i just want to get to France and raise money for the Lymphoma Association in the process. On Saturday I cycled to Blithfield Reservoir and then back through Rugeley, a total of 36.8 miles and an average speed of around 14mph. The first part of the run was quite hilly so it was a good test of the legs. Today I was out of the house at 7am and proceeded to cycle 21 miles, which included going through Repton and Newton Solney. . . . up the hill toward Winshill, which if you know Newton Solney and the hill out of the village, you'll know it's a tad steep. This morning I averaged just under 15mph. The legs ache, the buttocks are tender but not sore and I am certainly feeling the benefit of all this cycling.

Yesterday (Saturday) we held a collection for the Lymphoma Association at Burton Albion before the game and at half time. We raised £840 which was a phenominal effort and a big thank you to everyone who contributed. At half time I went into the Salisbury end to collect (mainly because they were winning 1-0 and I thought they'd be happy and in the mood for giving! I met a family whose son was part way through his treatment, he was 44 years old. Prior to the game I met another nice family whose son was in his teens and he was currently in remission. I still find it hard going to watch Burton Albion, it's still painful and all week I was dreading the collection, but it went ok. It was nice to spend the afternoon with some of Mel's uni friends, watching football. I can imagine she'd be smiling and she'd like that. Not as much as she'd like the Liverpool result yesterday though. Her shirt is now becoming legendary, I had a message from Rafael in Minnesota to say that on Saturday, if I wear nothing else, I had to wear Mel's Liverpool shirt. I did and as on Tuesday against Real Madrid, it did the business. Thanks also yesterday to the football club, it was really good of them to let us collect and raise awareness via the programme and I appreciate it. Thanks too to all those that helped collect.

Now that the Albion collection is done, I shall be concentrating on getting the book sorted. The final edit has been done and it's now a case of formatting it ready for the publisher. We're visiting the publisher later this week.

There was another great article in the Burton Mail this week, it highlighted the Tribute Fund and also mentioned the collection on Saturday. The Mail continue to do a great job for us as we try to raise awareness and raise funds for the Lymphoma Association. They also provided us with half a dozen photos of Mel from their archives, some of which we'd not seen before. We're hoping to use at least one, maybe two in the book. Ah yes, that's something else we have to do this week . . . sort out the photographs for the book!

This week has seen my cycle training step up a gear (excuse the pun). On Monday and Wednesday I did a couple of eleven mile routes on the way home from work, followed by a couple of miles dog walking. On Thursday I returned to the five a side arena for the first time in about three years. I was knackered, but it was good and I shall be going again.

Yesterday (Saturday) I cycled 45 and a half miles with Louise, we went from Repton to Carsington Water and the route included some horrendous, but now conquered, hills. Despite the amount of cycling and exercise the legs feel quite good and I feel that I am beginning to feel the benefit. Of course, it's all a far cry from the 300 miles to France, but I feel I am getting fitter. My New Year chocolate fast came to an end on Saturday. I took a Mars Bar with me and about ten miles from home I ate it. Never has a Mars Bar . . . or any bar . . . tasted so good. Far tastier than the bananas I had during the ride!

Next Saturday is the collection for the Lymphoma Association at Burton Albion, so if you're going along to the game please dig deep and donate to a very worthy cause. I have enlisted the help of some fine volunteers and hopefully we can raise a few more quid.

I finished the first draft of the final chapter of the book this weekend. I shall go back to it in a few days and make a few adjustments, but there is just the intro and a little bit of editing and it's all done. I'm at the publishers on 20th March. After that it's in their hands until the launch in May.

I found some videos of Mel on an old mobile phone. Mainly uni videos but in the background she could be heard laughing and that is so nice to hear. If any of her friends have any old mobile phone videos of her, then I'd love to see them if you still have them.

Julie and I have to say thanks to Rafa from America for the chocolates and thanks to Everton too for beating the reds. The Merseyside chocolate challenge was won by me for a change! As you may be aware, every New Year I give up chocolate for a while. With me cycling so much and with Rafa supplying us with some of America's finest, my chocolate fast has been scaled down from level three to level two . . . level three is no choc whatsoever, level two is odd chocolate from a box etc, level one is anything goes and bring it on.

My bike has been in for service this week so I've not been out on it at all. I spent two days using Becky's bike, but it wasn't wise. It's a tad small and everytime I peddled I was kneeing myself in the chin. I changed the seat and then it looked like I was riding a penny farthing.

The money raised for the Lymphoma Association for the cycle ride continues to grow and this week I want to give big thank yous to colleagues at Tamworth PS for their collection and subsequent donation to the London to Paris cycle ride. I've hit the £300 target for the Lymphoma Association bike ride. Thanks to Maureen at Aston University shop for adding to the money donated by Julie, Becky and I from the fee from the Daily Mirror article. If you want to donate to the Lymphoma Association ride then follow the link to the Tribute Fund. Incidentally, the tribute fund currently stands at just over £5000 and that doesn't include any monies from the London to Paris cycle ride so thanks again to all who have donated.

The first eight chapters of the book have been sent off to the publisher and I'm now working on the final chapter and also choosing pictures of Mel to go into the book. I have been invited to speak at Aston University's Relay for Life on April 25th, this is the same day as the London 2 Paris cycle ride induction day, so I will attend the London induction and then hotfoot it to Birmingham.

I was trying to sort out my travel to London for the London to Paris cycle ride. My idea was to travel there and back by train with the bike. Nothing is every easy or simple is it? The rail network told me that I can reserve a space for my bike on the train and they are issued on a first come first served basis. In order to reserve a space I have to have a ticket for the relevant journey. My issue is that I could therefore spend upwards of £60 on a ticket, only to find there are no bike spaces left. Result is a wasted £60! So, therefore I shall be travelling down to London with my riding partner Louise and the rail network can get stuffed. I did explain to them it was for a charity cycle ride and could they therefore guarantee me a place for the bike, but no, the rules are rules and I'd have to take my chances.

Emotionally, it's been another tough week. On Tuesday evening I had a dream about Mel. I was coming home from somewhere and she was standing in the doorway, she was about 7/8 years old, she saw me and shouted daddy and ran towards me and hugged me. Dreams like that are lovely, but so painful. It brings home the reality that the only time I'll see her or hug her is in my dreams and I have no control over them. It could happen next week, next month or may never happen again. It's so wrong. The lack of energy that accompanies the grief is still there, it sounds stupid to say I'm lacking in energy when I can bike so many miles, but it's a different sort of energy, it's not so much a physical energy, more like a weight that we both carry around. Julie has had the same reaction to her birthday last week that I had.

I stepped my training up this morning and with my training partner Louise cycled 41.5 miles, the furthest I've done yet. Our average speed was 14.5 mph which was also up on last time. I'm hoping to go out three times this week for a 10 mile ride before going on another mammoth trek next week. Only three months to go till we set cycle for France.

I managed to cycle over thirty miles this week, it would have been more but I suffered my first puncture. Fifteen miles from home and in the middle of nowhere my tyre began to go down. Within about five minutes it was as flat as a pancake. I had visions of having to walk back to Burton, but fortunately I was close to Alkmonkton Tractors and using a bit of ingenuity they were able to get the tyre up to maximum pressure again.

I wasn't sure how long it would last, so peddled like buggery to get back to Branston before it went down again. I managed it, so not only did I do 31 miles, 15 of them were at lightening speed. . . . well, lightening speed for me! The bike is going in for a service tomorrow (Monday), I want it in good shape before the serious training begins to kick in.

On Friday Julie and I visited St. Giles Hospice. We spent time talking to people and both felt that it had been worthwhile. It wasn't counselling as such, just the opportunity to talk about Mel for as long as we liked. After visiting St. Giles, we went over to Birmingham and visited the bench. It was lovely to meet Amy and her mentor there, we had a chat and took some pictures before Julie and I went a walk round Birmingham City Centre. Whilst walking around the grounds of the university and the city centre we felt Mel all around us, we could imagine her walking around the uni with her friends, chatting away, shopping in the market place. It's nice but if brings home the wrongness of all that has happened. She should still be there. After returning from the city centre we nipped in to see Maureen at the campus shop, she presented us with a cheque for £100 for the cycle fund. Behind the counter of the shop was a certificate from the Lymphoma Association displaying the money raised so far.

Every year, the Lymphoma Association organise a "Coast to Coast" cycle ride. This year, rather than coast to coast the route is a circular one, partly along the coast from Norwich to Ipswich and back. One hundred and fifty miles in all. It's the weekend of 13th/14th June, a week after the London to Paris. . . . and I've decided to do it! The money we were given from having the story in the Daily Mirror will be used to start the fund off and Maureen's £100 will boost it further. From now on, we'll split the money between the two rides, but of course it's all going to the same cause, the Lymphoma Association. After doing the London to Paris, I expect to be on quite a high and I'm conscious there's a long way to fall afterwards. This will give me something to focus on the following week and will raise a few more quid in the process.

I will be running the fund raising from Mel's Tribute page, if you click here, it will take you to the page.

I was on Radio Two on Tuesday on the Jeremy Vine show, talking about, of all things, Jade Goody. People have been criticising her for what she is doing, but I don't have a problem with it. Anyone who has read the blog will know that I used to talk of making life as normal as possible for Mel when she was ill. People have to realise that being in the media etc is normal for Jade and if that is what helps her through this horrible time then all credit to her. The fact she has cancer shouldn't prevent her from doing "normal" things. Just because she is dying, doesn't mean she has to stop living. If I was in her position and someone told me that I could make enough money from OK and Hello to set my children up for life after I'd gone, I'd do it without a second thought. Three weeks before Mel passed away she bought a mobile phone, that was Mel doing something normal. I read this week that since Jade's cancer was announced. the numbers of people have checks for cervical cancer have gone up 20%.

We are still working through the final edit of the book and over the next few days will choose the photographs we want to go in it.

I completed the second edit of the book this week and we are now concentrating on getting the first part finalised and ready for the publisher. The book is built up of three areas, the first is life from the summer until the start of the blog on November 1st, the second is from the start of the blog until Mel's funeral and beyond, whilst in amongst those two areas are Mel's own words from Facebook and her own blogs. It has been really difficult to do and I'll be glad when I can put it to bed.

The cycling training continued this week with another 27.5 mile ride around the outskirts of Burton on Trent. The amount raised stands at over £3,000 and hopefully that will be boosted further on March 14th when we do our bucket collection at Burton Albion. Mel's Tribute fund page on the Lymphoma Association website is up and running and can be found at http://lymphomas.tributefunds.com/fund/Melissa+Leech/showFund/ This includes all monies so far raised (with the exception of the cycle ride) in memory of Mel. As you will see if you visit it, it's a cracking amount so far. You can also light a candle for Mel on the page. It costs £10 and this can be done as a group or individual, with the money going to the Lymphoma Association.

I can't ever say that I was a fan of Jade Goody, but I've nothing but admiration for the way she is dealing with her own illness. Anything that raises awareness of cancer is a good thing and she is showing tremendous courage by doing what she is doing. As we've always said with Mel, if just one person gets checked up as a result of being aware because of Mel, then it's worth it. The same applies to Jade.

I'm finding things tough at the moment, I can talk about the illness, but I can't think about it, it hurts too much. That may sound strange, but I know what I mean. It hurts at the moment far more than it used to. The need to keep busy has never been greater, but at the same time I want to do nothing. This time last year was a particularly tough time for Mel and for us and certain dates bring back some awful memories. We just have to work our way through it and deal with it in the best way we can.

The football auction has ended, the Derby County football and the Torres photo both sold for a grand total of around £65. The Everton pennant didn't reach its reserve price, so that will be auctioned again. Any offers above £20 will be considered! I'm sure Mel would find it funny that the Everton item didn't sell!

I have spent the majority of this week working on the book. The second edit should be completed within the next couple of days and then I start fine tuning the the first part of it, so it can be sent to the publishers. It isn't easy going through it all again, particularly so soon after the last time, but it is something that needs to be done and hopefully it will help others as well as boosting the coffers of the Queen's Hospital and Nottingham City Hospital.

Mel's tribute fund is up and running on the Lymphoma Website and the current total raised in memory of Mel for the Lymphoma Association stands just short of £2000. This does not include monies raised for the cycle ride so a huge thank you to everyone and can I say that if you are planning a charity event, please bear the Lymphoma Association in mind. One thing reading the blog through again has shown me, is the tremendous amount of support that Mel got from the organisation and the people who contribute to it. To view the tribute fund visit http://lymphomas.tributefunds.com/fund/Melissa+Leech/showFund/ There is also a quick link on the main page to the tribute fund. As I explained last week, any monies that are raised in memory of Mel will appear on this page.

The cycle training is going well, there were no adverse effects from last Saturday's ride out, although the weather has hampered things during the week. The planned ride to work and back each day had to be put on hold. I cycled another 24 miles yesterday and the course I took featured more hills, but I cycled up them all and thoroughly enjoyed the morning out.

The auction for the Torres photograph, Everton pennant and Derby football are coming to a close in the next day or so, so if you want to bid, please do so. The links are at

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290293277959 - Torres

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290293279092 - Everton Pennant

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290293279942 - Derby County Football

Memorabilia from a team trying to win the league, a team still in the FA Cup and a team on the up thanks to Burton Albion's old manager!!! Speaking of Burton Albion, we've had it confirmed that we will be collection in aid of the Lymphoma Association and in memory of Mel on the 14th March. It is the game against Salisbury City, more on that nearer the time.

Good news this week, the cycle ride target went over the £3,000 mark. I'm so grateful to everyone who's donated, the contributions really do make a difference. It would be great if we could hit the £4,000. Thanks to everyone who has donated this week, including Ally and Dave from work, Vince Torr, Ian Haywood and Debbie, an old school friend from farther back than either of us care to remember! Your donations are appreciated so much.

We have set up a Tribute Fund in memory of Mel on the Lymphoma Association website. This is something new they have on their site and Mel's is the first to be set up. Everything that is raised in memory of Mel for the Lymphoma Association, be it for the cycle ride or just a normal donation is put in Mel's tribute fund. There is also the opportunity to light a candle for Mel on the site, by way of a £10 donation. If you visit the following link,http://lymphomas.tributefunds.com/fund/Melissa+Leech/showFund/ all will be explained. Don't be alarmed if it says £0.00 raised at the moment, the money raised in memory of Mel should be added in the next couple of weeks.

Also, the Families, Friends and Carers section is up and running on the website too. This is a message board where Carers, Friend's and Family of Lymphoma patients can ask questions, get things off their chest and offer advice to others. There's been a few postings on there already and I have offered advice based on our own experiences. Replying to people who are going through some of what we went through makes me feel as though we really are making a difference for Mel. I know she would have been doing the same.

I talked in my blog last year about a lovely lady we met at hospital called Linda. She was sat next to Mel whilst Mel was having her stem cells taken. I had an email from her this weekend and the great news is that she has responded to treatment and is getting stronger and fitter all the time. There are very few positives from cancer, but I think that one of the biggest is the lovely people you meet, be it other patients, nurses or doctors, there are some truly fantastic people around.

You may remember that when Liverpool play Everton, Mel and I used to have a little bet going. We'd buy a box of Roses, if Liverpool won, she'd have them, if Everton won, I'd have them and if the game ended in a draw, Becky and Julie had them. The Chocolate Challenge has been taken up my new friend from America Rafael. With the cup replay on Wednesday one of us is going to be a box of chocolates better off soon. Speaking of Liverpool, I had a letter from the football club on Friday. They've sent me a signed picture of Fernando Torres to auction for the cycle fund. I also have a pre- Nigel Clough signed Derby County football and an Everton pennant, also signed.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290293277959 - Signed Fernando Torres picture

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290293279092 - Signed Everton Pennant

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290293279942 - Signed Derby County Football

Burton Albion contacted us in the week with regard to doing a bucket collection on Saturday 14th March, so I may be looking for a few volunteers for that. I am however waiting for them to confirm details.

Finally, the cycling training started this weekend with a 25 mile ride. I was pleasantly surprised how good I felt afterwards and this morning too. Legs ache a little, but not too much, so on we go. . . . once the Siberian gales have subsided of course!!

Last Monday, the 19th January, a story appeared in the Daily Mirror about mine and Mel's blogs. For allowing them to print the story, the Daily Mirror have paid us £400 which we will be donating the Lymphoma Association. They also talked about the story going into one of the weekly mags, but we've decided against that. The Mirror story can be found at by clicking here. We decided to run with the Daily Mirror as they said that they would also do a Lymphoma awareness section within the page, putting links to both the Lymphoma Association and the Mad4Mel websites.

I spent the morning of my birthday trying to contact the company who had produced the video of Mel at Aston. I eventually managed to get hold of the guy who actually did the filming and he is sorting through footage and will transfer it to DVD and send it to us. It felt like a birthday present from Mel. The footage was taken in March of 2007 and didn't go onto the website until September 2008, four months after she passed away.

On Monday I had my photograph taken for the Burton Mail with some of the Paulet School children who had helped in raise £224 for the cycle ride. The photo and story appeared in the Burton Mail later in the week and can be found here.

Thank you to Keith L, Julie and Andy P who donated to the cycle ride fund this week, I really appreciate your contributions.

It's been a tough week this week, my birthday hit me harder than I thought it would. I missed receiving a text from Mel, I missed the call that would have followed the Liverpool v Everton game on the Monday night. The grief hit me, I had neuralgia and I needed a couple of days off work to get myself back on track. I felt drained of energy and I'm only just beginning to build myself up again. It was totally unexpected, I would have expected that reaction at Christmas, but surprisingly, it was my birthday that brought it home. We've arranged to speak with someone from St. Giles Hospice next month. It may help, it may not, but we'll give it a go and see what happens.

As you may have seen if you go to the Book section, the proposed front cover from the book has been sent to us. A meeting with the publisher has been arranged for late March and we'll get an idea then of what it will look like/cover price etc.,

I was due to go out on the bike this morning, but I just didn't have the energy. Some days are like that now. I've put together a training schedule though and I will soon be back peddling for all I'm worth (£2.54p) as I attempted to get to a level of fitness that enables me to cycle 300 miles in four days.

The training has started! This morning (Sunday), I cycled around 15 miles and it took me about an hour and a half. Not the fastest of times, but seven miles of that was canal towpath where the ground was very sludgy and heavy going. I thought it may help the leg muscles a bit. After the cycle ride I took Alfie for a 45 minute walk around the golf course. It was a good walk, apart from one particular moment. When the golfers line up to tee off, I get Alfie to sit and stay whilst they take their shots, so as not to put them off. A group of four were waiting to tee off and they duly played their shots. After the last one had fizzed the ball down the fairway, Alfie shot off, picked up the golf ball and ran off with it. An embarrassing moment to say the least. Fortunately the golfers saw the funny side, but I think that if Alf had a membership it would now be under review.

On Friday Julie and I went down to Aylesbury to see everyone at the Lymphoma Association. We wanted to meet them all and say hello and it was a really good trip. We chatted about what we'd done, what we'd like to do and plans for after the cycle ride. I'd made a couple of contributions on the Lymphoma website and they were positively commented on, which helps me. I'm always aware when talking to people on there that our story has the saddest of endings and there is so much positivity on the forum and in the chat room, I don't want to dampen any of that. But my comments were well received and for that I'm grateful. I suggested a section on the forum for carers/parents and that is going to be put on in due course. Alfie came with us to see everyone and was given mega fusses.

After receiving a letter from Kitty Ussher MP via Janet Dean in December to say that the new minister was continuing the old minister's work regarding lack of financial support for students, I was a bit surprised to receive a letter from someone called Steve Burton informing me about how the benefits system works for students. When I replied to Janet Dean thanking her for efforts I cc'd Kitty Ussher and Yvette Cooper into the email. The letter I received yesterday was Steve Burton on behalf of those two. I can only assume (and hope) this is the standard governmental brush off, that accompanies most correspondence they receive from the public. I have a theory that when you write to your minister they give you a brush off reply. If you then persist they realise you are serious and look at your issues in more detail. Like I said, I hope it is a case of departments not communicating. I shall be ringing Janet Dean on Monday morning to clarify.

I'm also at Paulet School on Monday to receive a cheque following their fund raiser before Christmas. I want to clean the bike too tomorrow and put a bit more air in the tyres. It's going to be a busy birthday!

I was sent an idea for a cover for the book from the publisher this week too and I've put a copy of it in the book section on the website. The link is on the left. I'm continuing to chip away at the book editing bit by bit.

Finally, this week I had a Facebook message from a friend of Mel's regarding a video about life at Aston University. None of us can ever remember Mel mentioning that she'd been interviewed for a video about Aston, but if you go to www.unionview.com and click on Aston University on the right hand side, there is Mel talking about Aston. I do wonder if she actually saw it, because again, I can't believe she'd have seen it and not shown us. It's lovely to see and it brought tears to my eyes. It makes me wonder too how many other video clips there are out there that we don't know about.

If you've been to the Just Giving site recently you will see that the amount raised for the cycle ride has risen dramatically over the last week or so. This is due in no small measure to the Aston RAG whose Mad4Mel event back in October raised a fantastic £736.00. A big thank you to the organisers and all who attended, as I've said before you've made raising the required funds so much easier. Cheques have also been received from the office of Janet Dean MP (£40.00) and Maureen and staff at the uni shop (£55.00). These were sent directly to the Lymphoma Association so have yet to appear on the totaliser. There is also a cheque on the way from Paulet School who raised over £200 with their Christmas fundraiser and have kindly donated the amount to the Lymphoma Association. Also a big thanks for a £100 donation from the pool playing guys at work, Eric, Gerry and Barry who donated to the cause. My mum and dad have also been putting away a couple of pound a week in a money box and that is also to be added. Thanks to everyone again for all your help, I know Mel would be so proud.

My next fund raising event will hopefully be a bucket collection at a forthcoming Burton Albion game. More details of this when I've spoken to the club.

Christmas was empty. We tried our best. We did the presents and the decorations and everything we should, but it was empty. We walked pretty much everyday and we were glad when it was over. New Year was the same. We didn't feel like celebrating and were in bed for half past ten. People say lets hope 2009 is better but I don't see how it will be. We won't have Mel back and that's the only thing that could make it better. We'll just continue trying to cope, sometimes it's hard, other times it's really hard.

My cycle training starts on the 18th January. I'm not sure how far I'll go, but I'll give it a good whack. I've bought a new cycle helmet and seat. The helmet is red so I'll be riding into Paris in a red cycle helmet for the Mooch! I may also have a cycling partner so that's good news.

Although I haven't been cycling, I have been walking miles with Alfie, so my fitness levels aren't too bad. Speaking of the four legged furry one, he's not been well and earlier in the week we had to make a late night trip over to Derby to get him looked at by the vet. He's had some sort of doggy virus, but with anti-biotics being given a couple of times a day, he seems to be on the mend. He's not 100%, but certainly better than he was.

The book is coming along nicely and I've now completed the first edit, there is a second edit and maybe a third, but other than the final chapter it is written and I've now moved on to fine tuning. Editing it wasn't easy, but reading about all we went through just makes me even more determined to raise awareness of Lymphoma. There was a story in the Burton Mail last week and it also appeared in the advertiser regarding the financial support for students.

That's about it really, it's going to be a busy time over the next few months what with the cycle ride, the book and other associated projects, but as I've said all along, it is the keeping busy that keeps me going.

On Thursday I was interviewed on Radio Derby on the Breakfast Show. The interview is about an hour and ten minutes into the programme. I was pleased with it, but as usual the emotion of having to talk about Mel as someone who died from Lymphoma is very hard. I know it took a while to get on to Radio Derby, but it was worth it in the end and I'm grateful for the time they gave me and when the book is launched they have invited me back.

A big thank you to those who have boosted the cycle ride coffers this week, in particular Amy whose efforts at not mentioning Harry Potter for a certain amount of time must have been very hard. The only think I can liken it to was for Mel not to have mentioned Liverpool FC for two weeks. The amount now stands at over £1800. On Thursday we have been invited over to Aston University by Mark Holt, one of Mel's friends at uni who is in remisson from Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The event will hopefully raise a good amount of money for the Lymphoma Association. As part of their studies some of the students have been given the task to make as much money as possible in a 24 hour period, they've chosen to give this money to Lymphoma Association. It will be nice to go over there and hopefully, if any of Mel's friends are around we can say hello. We'll also have to nip and see the bench too.

I had a letter from Janet Dean today. The government are still pursuing the change in rules for students with long term illnesses, but in order for the rules to be changed, funding has to be found and in the current economic climate (their words), this may take time. All I will say is this. Imagine three people with long term illnesses. One is employed. One is unemployed. One is a student. As things stand at the moment, the employed person will be paid whilst off work by their company or receive statutory sick pay, but will not have to pay anything back. The unemployed person will receive sickness benefits and not have to pay anything back. The student will have to live off their student loan, which at some point in the future they will have to pay back! The system is unfair and the fight goes on to put it right.

Christmas is just around the corner and is getting harder the closer it gets. Mel loved Christmas. She wore the dangly Christmas earings, wore the silly Santa hat and loved the parties. Julie, Becky and myself have decided to just take Christmas this year as it comes. We'll do what feels right for us and we'll get through it. We know there'll be sadness, but there'll be smiley times too.

This will be my last blog until the New Year, so I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone who reads it a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Finally, in December 2006 Mel wrote on her Facebook the things she loved about Christmas. I'd like to share these with you and ask that at some point over the Christmas season you think of Mel and raise a glass (or two) . . in her memory

1. Christmas Dinner - my dad is the best cook ever!
2. Christmas Songs - Best ever!
3. Seeing all my family - i love them all
4. The Christmas tree and decorations at home - always make me feel Christmassy!
5. Lights in town (Brum better than Burton)
6. The Coke Advert - Holidays are coming, holidays are coming, u all know it!
7. Snow - u never know...one day it might happen!
8. Christmas afternoon - when everyone falls asleep in front of trashy Christmas TV
9. Christmas Top of the Tops - who is Christmas number one!
10. Kids out in the street riding new bikes or on new rollerblades
11. Giving presents - seriously - i love seeing people's faces when they open them
12. Getting presents - id be lying if i said i didn’t love getting presents!
13. Santa!!! He is real! and so for that matter is Rudoplph!
14. Santa Claus the Movie - My fave Christmas Childhood Movie!
15. Christmas morning - waking up and opening all the presents under the tree still all in our Night clothes.
16. Billy and Silly - My Nan’s Christmas story of these two children who lived in the woods.....classic!
17. Tinsel - can put it in your hair, as a belt - its great!
18. My snowflake earrings - they look sooo Christmassy!
19. Christmas School Daze - fake snow is the best!
20. The Christmas Party at my nursery where i used to work.
21. Children at Christmas.....I love watching them open pressies and telling them about Santa and everything!
22. Wrapping presents!
23. The line in the song: 'IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!'

"So that’s what I love about Christmas and I’m feeling all Christmassy and cant wait to go home and see everyone!!!! I’ve been singing my Christmas songs and wearing my Christmas earrings and tinsel and I cannot wait for next Saturday when I’m home and it will only be a week till Christmas!"

Happy Christmas Mooch x

The big news this week is that Alfie passed his Puppy exam on Saturday. He managed the "drop" part of the exam with no problems and he is now the proud owner of a rosette and a certificate. We have decided now to up the ante and go for the Bronze award. That will start in January. Today (Sunday) I walked from Branston to Walton and back by the canal. It was frosty and a we hardly saw a soul. Bliss!

In terms of raising awareness of Lymphoma, I should be on Radio Derby this Thursday during the breakfast show and hopefully (though not yet confirmed) a meeting with the Derby Telegraph to follow. That will be it then until after Christmas and the New Year unless of course an opportunity presents itself. I shall be getting in touch with the Birmingham Mail in the New Year to see if we can interest them in helping to raise awareness. Training for the cycle ride will also start in the New Year. I got in touch with a guy from work who undertook the cycle ride earlier in the year and he's given me some valuable tips.

So that's it for this week, nothing much to report . . . . oh there is one thing. I've recently written two emails to Janet Dean MP asking for an update on the changes to the financial system for students with serious illnesses. In the past she has been pretty good at replying, so I'm giving the benefit of the doubt at the moment. I'll give it another week and see if there's any replies. If not, we'll give it another go. I've not heard anything since the Minister in London, James Plaskett left office. I trust the new guy on the block will continue the work already done. I do have it in writing that the changes would be done by the end of the year. . . . time is running out!

To sponsor me on my cycle ride from London to Paris, please visit www.justgiving.com/4mel

We went to Paulet School for their awards evening on Tuesday as guests as we donated an award in memory of Melissa. It was quite an emotional evening for a variety of reasons, not least because it brought back a host of memories of when Mel and Becky used to receive awards. The recipient of Melissa's award was a lovely girl who was the ideal person to win. The headmaster told us all about her and we agreed they'd chosen well. We received a letter from her on Friday, thanking us for donating the award and saying how proud she was to win it and how proud her parents were of her for winning it. It was so touching and receiving the letter was the icing on the cake.

Thanks to everyone who has added to the cycling fund this week. I shall start my training in the New Year, although walking Alfie is keeping me pretty fit at the moment.

I also had a lovely email this week from Laurie's dad. Laurie was in his mid teens when he passed away and there is a lot of fund raising being done in Laurie's name. This week he was at the first turf cutting for the new Teenage Cancer Trust unit at Birmingham. In the email he sent me a message that he had received when his son passed away which I thought I would share with you. It reads,

" This much I’m reasonably certain of, that there are much worse emotions to have to live with than sadness, however vast and deep that sadness might be. It can be uplifting, invigorating, strengthening, motivating and, above all, a powerful reminder of how much Melissa still matters, and always will. It can be other things, too, but don’t let it".

Wednesday night and Liverpool won again and the shirt was worn again. I've lost count now of the number of matches it is undefeated, but it seems every time I wear it, they win.

I'm still busy writing and the word count is going up and up. I think that I am going to have to edit the book when I've finished and cut down the number of words. It's quite ironic really as I used to be the one who trimmed Mel and Bex's essays. It is tough to write and as I've said before it brings home all we went through.

Becky won't be home from uni for another two and a half weeks and we can't wait to have her home now. I think we all need to be together as Christmas gets closer. Alfie will enjoy having Becky home and I'm sure Becky will enjoy having him around whilst we're at work.

Speaking of Alfie, we did a mock exam yesterday at Puppy School and we failed. I forgot his name tag and poo bag (though in my defence if I'd known it was an exam I'd have been tagged and pooed up), whilst Alfie failed spectacularly at the "Drop the toy" section. He was A1 at everything else, but got an F as he failed to let go of his toy. Even when Mo, the instructor tried he wasn't having any of it. So this week our remit is to practice dropping his toys on command. Alfie fell in a brook too yesterday, he was playing with Harry and Jarvis a couple of Dalmations and Harry was one side of the brook, Alfie was the other and instead of walking round, Alf jumped straight in to get to the other side. His head went under, but despite the shock he came out the other side. We now know that if there's a swimming test, he'll pass!

Finally this week, I emailed Janet Dean, my MP for an update on the financial support situation and as yet I have had no reply. However, I did receive a call from a Radio Derby journalist who said they would like me to go over to the station to talk about Mel, Lymphoma Awareness, the cycle ride, book etc. . .

It seems to have all gone quiet at the moment. Still no word from Radio Derby, but I'm working on it. The Derby Telegraph are as bad. Thanks heavens for Radio WM who gave us air time, despite us being on the edge of their listening area. They appreciate a good story when it is given to them, unlike others. I've been writing Mel's story again this week and between now and Christmas that will be taking up most of my time. After Christmas the training for the cycle ride will kick in. Ah yes, Christmas. I'm dreading it. I'm not sure which will be worse, Christmas Eve, the anniversary of when we discovered Mel's chances of a cure had diminished considerably, or Christmas Day itself. I'm not sure what we're doing yet. I'm trying not to think about it.

Mel loved Christmas, she was even more silly than usual and Becky and I used to wind her up all the time. Truth is, I'm fed up of Christmas already. It won't be the same. It can't be the same, not just for me, but for all of us. We'll deal with it when it arrives, take it one day at a time and move on to the next round of anniversaries. Life seems to be one long anniversary at the moment. Twelve months since this, a year since that.

I took Alfie to Dovedale yesterday for a six mile walk. He loved it. He also fell in the river whilst getting over excited about a black Labrador chasing a ball.

Still no word from Janet Dean regarding the student finance issues. That's one to chase up in the next couple of weeks.

The majority of this week has been spent concentrating on writing Mel's story. It hasn't been easy and I know my mood has been affected by it. It's going back to times and places that were horrible enough at the time, but are even worse now. Then we had hope, now we're left with nothing. As I am writing and going through Mel's facebook postings and blog her spirit and the way she dealt with the disease shines through. Whenever there was a setback, she always bounced back to try and make the most of the situation.

I had a couple of emails this week, one from a friend of Rachel's (Mel's best friend) who briefly knew Mel from visits to Aston and who had seen the article on Lymphoma Awareness in the Sheffield Hallam university newspaper. It's so good to know that we're getting the message out there. I also had an email from the Liverpool Echo who expressed an interest in writing an article on Mel, the fund-raising, the awareness etc. I really hope they do something, Mel and I had an unwritten rule that whenever we went to the city we had to buy a Liverpool Echo, so for Mel would have been chuffed to bits to have an article in the Echo about her. It's just a shame, like everything that is happening, that she isn't here to see it. The same can be said for Liverpool being top of the league and Burton Albion being top this week, not to mention all the uni events that she would have been part of and taking pictures at. I wrote in one blog this time last year that life was unfair. It still is.

Alfie has been to his third training class this week and he has an exam in three weeks. If he passes he gets a certificate and a rosette. The pressure is on little Alf! He is doing ok, but I think he needs to revise more. He is now fluent in getting upstairs and would probably get a C+ in getting down.

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It's six months to the day that Mel passed away. How is that anniversary marked? By Liverpool and Burton Albion, her two favourite football teams, being top of their respective leagues! Time still isn't healing and the hurt is as strong as it was when we sat with her as she drifted off to sleep for the last time. Every single day is a reminder of how our lives have been turned upside down and inside out. There is no escape and I'm beginning to wonder if there ever will be. This is it now, this is our life and what we have to cope with. Somedays we cope, somedays we don't. We tend to be ok with day to day life, but if something comes along to upset that, then we struggle. The fight isn't there at the moment.

I was browsing the internet the other day and noticed that the second series of one of Mel's favourite programmes was now available on DVD. We had watched Gavin and Stacey when it was shown on TV and I can remember thinking at the time that Mel wouldn't be with us when this was released on DVD. There is so many things she is missing out on, not just events within the family, but so much more and it is so unfair. It's more than unfair, there just isn't words to describe how wrong it all is.

It's been a relatively quiet week regarding fund raising and awareness. There is the possibility that I may be able to go into Mel's old school and talk to them about Mel and Lymphoma Awareness and this week we picked up the award that we are presenting in Mel's memory. It's really lovely. I was struggling to think what to put as an inscription at the bottom of the award. I wanted something that people would hopefully remember and something that suited Mel and all she stood for and achieved. I don't know where it came from, but we decided to have "To inspire is within us all" engraved at the bottom of the award. It is being presented to someone who has shown enthusiasm or has inspired others, so I think that is very apt.

Our local hairdresser, Main Street Hair Studio, are bringing their Guess the Birthday of the Teddy Bear competition to a close this week and that will have raised some funds for the cycle ride. They are also having a sponsor form off me too to keep in the salon. As Wendy, my hairdresser said, it's amazing how the £1's and 50p's add up. So thank you to everyone who has donated, not just at Wendy's but everywhere.

Still no word from BBC Radio Derby. I've emailed them three times now regarding awareness and as our local station you would think they might have enough journalistic instinct to realise there might just be a story here, but hey, someone has probably lost a sheep in Ashbourne, so helping to raise awareness of Lymphoma doesn't get a look in. The Burton Mail however, continue to be on the ball. They ran a story yesterday about a fifteen year old lad, from our village, who went to one of the same schools as Mel and who had B cell Lymphoma, but is on the road to recovery. It's a fantastic story, not just because the news is so good, but it shows that people can recover from Lymphoma. We know Mel was just unlucky and there are people who have the same disease who survive. He is raising funds to support a children's ward at Birmingham Hospital in association with the Teenage Cancer Trust. It's a fantastic project. We know only too well how hard it can be for young people to have to cope with hospital and everything that can be done to help should be, and a specialised part of the hospital for young people with cancer can only be a good thing.

Finally this week, I've written an article for the Aston Times, it's about Mel and her love of football. It not only says so much about Mel as a person, but it sums up why she and millions of others love the game so much. Of course, being Mel, she goes on a bit, but what she wrote was full of passion and enthusiasm and I feel it deserves a wider audience. I will put it up on here once it's been in the Aston Times and I've written to the Liverpool Echo to see if they would consider using it too.

If you wish to sponsor me on my cycle ride from London to Paris in June of next year then you can do so at www.justgiving.com/4mel The cycle ride is to raise funds and awareness for the Lymphoma Association.

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I feel that I have crammed a week into three days. On Wednesday morning I was on Radio WM talking about Lymphoma awareness on the Ed Doolan show. Ed was very sensitive and on the whole I was happy with the interview. There were maybe a couple of things I wished I mentioned regarding Mel's symptoms, but like I say, overall, I was happy with the way it went. The only down side was that unfortunately Julie from the Lymphoma Association was held up the rail network and arrived at the studio as I was leaving. We are both going to be having words with Mr. Branson, it would have been quicker using Thomas the Tank engine!

However, we made the most of the time in Birmingham, I took her to see Mel's bench and we met up with some of Mel's friends who are doing so much to help my cycle ride cause. We saw Amar in the Aston RAG room, he was selling tickets for the Mad4Mel event later that evening and we also went to see Maureen in the Guild shop. Mel worked in the shop when she was at uni and Maureen has kindly been selling some second hand books to raise money, again for the cycle ride and the Lymphoma Association. There are also a couple of collecting tins going into the shop too, so that will help boost the association funds. It was good for Julie to see where Mel went to university and meet some of her wonderful friends, so despite not making the studio, we certainly had a productive day.

Becky came down from Durham to attend the Mad4Mel event, so we picked her up from the train station just after four o'clock and she was able to spend a couple of hours at home before I drove her over to Birmingham. She attended the event at Risa's nightclub in Broad Street and had a good time. Like most things it's bitter sweet, Mel would have loved it, her friends attending, dressing in football shirts, the only thing missing was Mel (Sorry Mooch for calling you a thing . . but you know what I mean!). Amar did brilliantly selling tickets for the event and Julie, Becky and I would like to thank him for all he's done to help and of course to everyone who attended and made it a special event. I did receive a couple of invites from Mel's friends, but I think my nightclubbing days are well behind me now and I also had to be up at quarter to five in the morning to drive over to Birmingham to pick Becky up.

I picked her up just before six, drove back to Burton to pick Julie and Alfie up and then we drove up to Durham to get Becky to her 10am lecture. Alfie had his first proper walk, a gentle stroll on his lead along the banks of the river in Durham. He was brilliant. After lunch Julie and I drove home. . . . Alfie slept all the way home to Burton.

I didn't set my alarm on Friday morning, I was hoping that Alfie might fancy a lie in, but it wasn't to be and I had to get up with him at ten to five in the morning. Just after 7am I took him out on his lead for a walk around the golf course. Again he was really good. He also did well at his first puppy class today (Saturday). The place we took him to was really good and I can't wait to take him again next week.

Julie attended the monthly Patient Partnership Forum at Derby City Hospital this morning which gives members the opportunity to give input into reform of cancer services in the area. It is a way of using our experiences to possibly improve services in the future.

So, that's about it for this week, it's been a busy one. I almost forgot to mention, I emailed Aston Villa to see if they would send me something to auction in my mini footy auction. So far I have a signed Everton pennant, A signed Liverpool player photo (don't know who yet), a signed Derby County football and I'm also hoping to get something from Burton Albion to auction. Liverpool lost today and I don't know whether to be happy or sad. It was a last minute goal that Spurs scored and I can just imagine Mel sitting here cursing. Of course, it was nothing that Spurs did, I have to take the blame . . . I didn't wear her Liverpool shirt!

As you will see from the Just Giving site, we've beaten our target for the cycle ride so thank you to everyone who has donated. I'll keep raising money between now and the event next June and if you would like to donate, please do so at www.justgiving.com/4mel

Thank you to everyone who has donated and helped to raise funds so far . . . here's to hitting the £2000 mark!!!!!

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The bucket collection on Saturday went well, although today, my legs ache and my right hand has "bucket grip fatigue". I also keep hearing the sound of jangling coins in my head. A huge thank you to all those who came over from Aston RAGS to help, it was great to see Mel's friedns again. Thank you to to everyone who donated. We raised £184.79 and there are still a few collection tins to be emptied and counted too. Chances are when it's all in we'll crack the £200 mark which is brilliant. The day started off well when the car park attendant allowed me free parking for the day and she then proceeded to put £5 in my bucket. The Saturday morning Cinema Club also gave very generously as did most people. So a huge thank you to the manager at Cineworld for allowing us to hold our collection there. Two months ago I wrote a letter to Morrisons asking if we could hold a collection and help customers pack their shopping. I've heard nothing. Not even the courtesy of a reply. The manager at Cineworld made things so easy and that is how life should be so a big thank you to him and his staff!

The article in the BTN magazine was published this week and though I say it myself looks brilliant and there was also a follow up article in the Burton Mail to the student finance situation. That can be read here on the Burton Mail Website.

I also received a call from Radio WM last week, I'd emailed them to ask if they've consider running a story on Lymphoma Awareness and they agreed, so next Wednesday, Julie from the Lymphoma Association and myself have been invited into the studios at Radio WM to talk about Lymphoma. We should be on the Ed Doolan show and the interview should take place sometime after 10am. I am still waiting to hear back from Radio Derby and the Derby Telegraph, but fingers crossed.

Aston RAG have sold over 100 tickets so far for the MAD4MEL event at Risas on Wednesday night. This is a student only event and half the money from the sale of tickets is going to the Cycle ride fund.

Alfie has had his final injection and we're now on countdown to when we can take him "walkies". Next Saturday he also starts his puppy classes. . . though puppy borstal would seem more appropriate sometimes!

The Burton Mail ran another brilliant article this week on the fight with the government over the lack of financial support for students with long term illnesses. This fight is ongoing and although the government said there'd be changes by the end of the year, I suspect we're now looking at next year for a final decision on how they're going to change the law. I am hoping there'll be a follow up article in the Mail this week. Also this week, between us, Sarah from the Lymphoma Association and myself emailed over 150 universities asking them to publish an article I've written on raising awareness of Lymphoma.

Alfie continues to progress well, he's sleeping longer at night and now seems fully toilet trained. I've been teaching him to fetch, he's pretty good at it, he only drops points when it comes to releasing what it is he's fetched. He has a vice like grip as my thumb will testify. His only other problem was that if Julie throws him something, he brings it back to me. We've booked him into doggy training school ( www.Dog-father.co.uk ) as from November 1st, so they'll soon lick him into shape. . . if he doesn't lick them first. Whilst Alfie hasn't kept me awake this week, Julie has had a cough and has kept me awake. Becky has also been a bit under the weather. I am the only fit person in the house . . . along with bone chewing, shoe pinching, cat watching, chicken chasing Alfieeeeeee!

It's not very often the town hall gets praised, but I am heaping mega praise on them this week. Our friend Yvonne held a cake sale with some of her colleagues at work and raise £500 for the cycle fund. It was a fantastic effort from everyone and we can't thank them enough. I know Mel would be so proud. Next week we have our bucket collection at the cinema in Burton. I will get the final details tomorrow of times etc, but hopefully we can add further funds to the coffers. The uni are doing a fantastic job too in raising money too and have events planned to raise funds for the cycle ride in memory of Mel. Also this week, my sister Karen completed her Great Wall of China walk. Karen was raising money for the Lymphoma Association and also Nottingham City Hospital and has done a brilliant job so on behalf of us all a big thank you to Karen. We're all so lucky to have such fantastic people helping us and we cant' thank you enough. I mentioned last week that Everton had sent me a signed pennant to auction off in aid of the fund, well I had a letter from Liverpool this week and they are sending me a signed photograph of one of the players. Don't know who yet, but it's on its way. So thank you Liverpool and thank you Everton.

I've made myself a plan this weekend. With so much happening I had to try and get some order into my life. At the moment, the training for the cycle ride is being put on hold, probably till after Christmas, that still gives me six months, which is a lot of time to get in the miles. I'll be walking Alfie a lot once he's had his injections so that will help with fitness, plus I cycle to work everyday which is only a couple of miles, but it keeps the legs moving and I'm sure I won't have any trouble building up the miles once Christmas is out of the way. In the meantime, I shall concentrate on the book and other awareness raising activities. The book hasn't got to be with the publisher by the end of March, and although that seems a while away yet, once Christmas is out of the way it's only three months , so I have to get cracking.

It is hard to write, there are places I do not like re-visiting. Alfie has certainly provided the distraction we wanted, but I find Mel's illness and subsequent passing away still hits me hard. It feels like being shot, this bullet hits you without warning just when you least expect it and the pain is excruciating. Yesterday it was whilst walking down the stairs. I've done it thousands of times since 11 May, but for some reason, yesterday seeing Mel's pictures as I walked downstairs just hit me. She's gone, she's not here. she died, and with those thoughts the emotion comes pouring out. Julie, Carol, The Nanny and I went to see Bouncers last night, a great show and if you ever get the chance to see it, don't think about it, book your tickets and go, I always said to Mel that when it was next performed in this area I'd take her, but I never got the chance. . . I'll never get the chance and that is so sad. It also hit home the other night not only how brave Mel was, but how utterly stupid things were. I had to delete a load of text messages off my mobile, but I didn't want to delete the messages I've had from Mel, so I sorted through all the messages on my phone and came to April when Mel was diagnosed as being terminally ill. I had about twenty messages from friends, family and work colleagues all expressing their sorrow at the news . . and right in the middle of these messages, bearing in mind she'd just been told she had only weeks, possibly months to live, was a text from Mel. It read, "Dad, can you please bring my Sex and the City DVDs". I'm not sure if what I'm trying to convey comes over in this text, but for me, it just summed up her courage, her attitude and everything about our remarkable daughter.

To sponsor me on my cycle ride please visit www.justgiving.com/4mel

I've had a week off work this week and it's been really hectic. I feel as though I've done loads, but if I was off another week, I could still fill that time. Alfie the pup has kept me on my toes and in a week I've taught him to sit, sit and stay and the latest is to bring his toy back after I've thrown it for him. We bought him some doggy choc treats today and he likes them, but not as much as he liked the beef casserole I made for tea yesterday. I gave him his breakfast this morning and he took one look at it and flashed me a look as if to say, "This isn't beef casserole." He then started to walk away before I flashed him a look that said, "No, it isn't, but it's all you're getting" and he returned to his dish and ate the lot!

I visited my publisher on Tuesday in Liverpool and it was a very emotional journey. I drove down the road where we waited for the open top bus when the Reds won the FA Cup, I'm sure if I'd have stopped the car I'd have looked up and seen Mel there cheering and waving her flag. The meeting with the people at the publisher's was really positive. They are going to pay for the cost of the book, so every copy I sell will be profit. Online stores such as Amazon take a percentage of the cost, as do some of the shops, so although it will be on Amazon, if you can, please buy it from somewhere where they're not charging a percentage. Talking of the book, as I have mentioned before (I think) the title of the book is going to be "One Day at a Time , , , , , Mel's Story" I've also had an email this week to say that Dr. Haynes, Mel's consultant and one of the top haematology guys in the country, has agreed to write the introduction, which I'm really thrilled about. The fact that Doctor Haynes has agreed to do this shows the high regard he felt for Melissa.

Everton Football Club have sent me a pennant, signed by the players to auction. I may put it on eBay, but not yet as we are playing crap. I have also discovered a website that do t-shirts that are quite reasonably priced. They are on the merchandise page, the link of which is on the left hand side of the page. These are available for order and take about 28 days for delivery. They will cost £7.99 with profits going to the the cycle ride fund. I also have some pens for sale too with the Mad4Mel logo on them. These are on sale for £3.00. We'll only make a quid on each pen and about the same on the t-shirt, but they will also keep the mad4mel name out there and hopefully raise some awareness along the way. Email me if you'd like a pen or t-shirt and I'll get them ordered, and please allow 28 days to deliver. If anyone knows of a cheaper way of getting t-shirts printed or a company willing to part fund the process then please let me know and I'll look into it.

On Thursday we had a meeting with Julie Mercer and Sarah Harvey from the Lymphoma Association. It was really good to meet with them, we exchanged ideas and I felt quite humbled that they should want to work alongside me. Julie (wife) and I discussed turning mad4mel into a registered charity but the Lymphoma Association do such brilliant work we'd rather work alongside them, using their expertise and Mel's story to help their cause. We have now raised quite a bit of money for the various charities that helped Mel and ourselves and now our efforts will concentrate on raising awareness of Lymphoma. Any funds we raise or any events we take part in will be for the Lymphoma Association. I have said that I would be willing to speak to relevant organisations on Lymphoma awareness, so if you're reading this and would like me to speak to your group about raising awareness of Lymphoma, feel free to contact me. Sarah and Julie were successful in eating the lemon cake, but failed in their attempt to abduct Alfie!

I had a meeting on Friday with the Burton Mail regarding the issues we had with financial support for Mel. They should be running the story sometime next week and there'll be more news on that in the future. I did have a letter from my MP Janet Dean in the week. She mentioned the free prescription for cancer patient news and also wanted a sponsor form from us. I know we had our differences at first, but I really do appreciate the help Janet has given to us. Also, I realise the fantastic job that Julie did in sorting out finances for Mel and sorting out our own finances whilst Mel was ill. It's only on days like Friday, when it's all there in front of you that you realise what a brilliant job she did . . . and continues to do. In other newspaper news, I have written an awareness article that I want to get into as many University newspapers/magazines as possible. I start work on emailing them this week.

I mentioned a while ago that we were donating an award to Mel's old school in her memory. The award will be given to a pupil who has displayed enthusiasm or inspired others in a particular lesson or project. The award will be presented in November at the annual Paulet School awards.

My cycle ride training still hasn't resumed so can you please still blame Alfie. I have a plan, a cunning one to organise myself as from this week so I can plan writing, cycle training, fitness etc. I can't finish this week without mentioning Mel's friends at Aston University, they're helping me to raise money with various activities and I really can't thank them enough. Melissa always placed great importance in the friendships she made and I know she thought the world of them. I can see why. They are nothing short of amazing. Thank you all.

Finally this week, I'd like to say hi to Rafa in America. He's a great guy who has become a real friend. His only fault is that he supports Liverpool, but you can't have everything. This week he had his final session of chemotherapy and I want to send him a ton of best wishes. I am hoping that one day he will be well enough to travel over to the UK and I can accompany him to a Liverpool game. There are very few people who could get me to a Liverpool game. . . . As you all know, Mel was one. . . Rafael is another. I wouldn't clap, cheer or sing of course, but it would be great to be alongside him at a game!

Remember if you want to sponsor me on my London to Paris cycle ride, please do so at www.justgiving.com/4mel

Finally, finally well done to Amar, Dan and Lianne for completing the survival of the fittest course yesterday, they were raising money for the Lymphoma Association and you can still donate at www.justgiving.com/mhsurvival

Also good luck to Karen, my sister, I hope she's going on ok, she's currently walking the great wall of china in aid of the Lymphoma Association and also Nottingham City Hospital. Donations can still be made for Karen's walk atwww.justgiving.com/melsfight and www.justgiving.com/melsfight2

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It's been a busy and hectic week this week, Alfie's first week at home, Becky's departure to Durham for her second year at university and all the emotion of Mel's friends returning to uni without her.

Alfie has settled in well, the cats tend to keep out of his way, although he does want to make friends with them. He's pretty good in the toilet training stakes, I'd give him an 8 out of ten. When he doesn't make it to the garden, it's usually because he's got so excited and forgets himself. . . . we've all done it . . . . He's getting used to his pen and he loves the red carpet in the middle of the floor.

We've also taught him to sit too, which in a week is a pretty good achievement I think. He has run into the back door twice and the patio windows three times, but he always bounces back and he's ready to go again. Julie has solved the problem of the patio doors by putting transfers of butterflies along the bottom of the glass and this has done the trick. He was hot pawing his way to the conservatory this morning during a mad half hour (that stretched to two hours) and he suddenly put his brakes on with his nose inches from the door. This morning he woke up at ten to five and I let him out of his pen and took him to the back door. It was chucking it down with rain and we both looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking! Alfie was saying to me, "I'll go out if you come with me" and I was saying, "Bollocks, get out there, piddle and get back in." We reached an understanding that I was in charge and he duly obliged. We took him to the vet on Wednesday to get him checked over and the vet said he was a "chunky lad."

Like I say, it's been hard work and there are times we've questioned our decision, not because we don't love him to bits, but because with all the emotion still going on with Mel it's made it all that much harder. But we keep going. The heaviness that besieged us after Mel passed away is still there and showing no signs of abating. Every day brings fresh memories to the surface, the bad ones make you sad, the good ones make you cry. Even the autumn air brings memories of last October and Mel's time on Ward seven. The feel and smell of the night air reminding me of walking to the car park after a traumatic night at the hospital and the hurt I felt at leaving Mel alone. It's still so hard for us all, but then if you read the blog on a regular basis, you already know that.

Thank you to everyone who has put donations onto the London to Paris cycle ride fund, it really is appreciated. In terms of the raising awareness campaign, in between looking after Alfie and working, I've been writing and putting things together for the meeting with the Lymphoma Association on Thursday. This week also sees me travelling up to Liverpool for a meeting with the publisher of Mel's story. I've also written to our local radio station to see if they would be interested in taking up our story on how we're trying to raise awareness.

There's been no reply from our MP regarding an update on the financial support for students with long term illnesses, maybe they'll be in touch this week. My cycling has been put on hold at the moment as we concentrate our efforts on sorting Alfie out, but I'll soon be back on track and pedalling away. A report and picture of the Lymphoma Beacon of Hope Awards can be found here. I've also added a website called PASIC (Parents Association for Seriously Ill Children) to the links page.

They are a great charity that help young people with cancer and their carers. Their website can be found at www.pasic.org.uk

This week has been a busy one for us following our trip to London. The story regarding the Special Commendation at the Beacon of Hope award was highlighted in our local paper, the Burton Mail. There were references to the award on three separate pages, the main article being on page 5, was accompanied by a front page mention and also some kind comments in the "Mail Says" column. I had tears in my eyes as I read it, it's been another emotional week, the award, the press coverage and of course all Mel's friends returning to university. Mel loved university and in particular the time she spent with her friends and she'd have been getting ready for Freshers week with such energy and enthusiasm. It's just twenty weeks since she passed away and it's still hard to believe that she's not going to come through the door with an endless amount of uni stories to tell us. Life is so unfair.

We had a success story this week/ The government finally woke up and stated that cancer patients will be entitled to free prescriptions from the New Year. It's great news and I know Mel would be leading the applause for the decision. All we need now is a decision on the financial support for students and I will stop hassling the government . . . well, for a while at least. I have emailed Janet Dean this week for an update on whether they've looked at the deeming rules and what they've decided. It's been a couple of months since we last spoke so I would have expected them to have made a decision.

The Teddy Bear's Birthday raffle at Main Street Hair Studio is ongoing and there is also an up and coming Cake Sale day at the Town Hall where the theme is Lavender. Next month we have our bucket collection at the local cinema, this is taking place on the first Saturday of the release of High School Musical 3. Mel loved the HSM films so it's very appropriate that we're collecting on that day. It will all help to swell the sponsorship coffers and I'm grateful to everyone who has donated or is taking part in events to raise sponsorship.

I've opened up a group on Facebook entitled, "It happened on Mel's Bench". . . the aim of the group is for Mel's friends to post photographs taken on the bench, Amy has already started things off and we hope to see more photographs in the group as year progresses.

We picked Alfie up on Friday so my cycle training has gone completely out of the window this weekend as Julie, Becky and I try to turn him into a model citizen. We said all along the idea of getting a puppy was to give us a different focus and he's certainly done that. We've spent quite a few pounds on some toys for him and he enjoys them, but his favourite item at the moment is a pair of my old sports socks. . . . it must be the smell. Anyway, he's beginning to find his feet and I've lost count of the number of times I've said "No" to him, but he is lovely and a real character. When he goes into the garden he likes to bring a leaf back with him and he can't quite work out that the patio door has to be open before you can go through it, but other than that, he's doing ok. Incidentally, the title of this week's blog is a song by Cilla Black (another scouser), that all old people seem to want to sing when we tell them our dog's name is Alfie . . . Try it, go up to an old person and say, I know someone and they have a dog called Alfie and I bet they start singing . . . What's it all about . . . Alfeeeeeeeeeeee!

Saturday was Merseyside derby day and it was sad to watch, Liverpool have now beaten Manchester United and Everton in the space of a couple of weeks. Mel would have loved it, she'd have been so upbeat that the reds were second in the league and she'd have won a box of Roses into the bargain. As it is, Rafa from America will be getting a box of chocs as he took up the Merseyside Challenge on Mel's behalf. I suppose I'll just have to wait until Everton beat Liverpool for my American chocs . . . . . they way we are playing it could well be a long wait.

CYCLE RIDE
My training has gone to pot this week . . . any queries as to why should be addressed to Alfie!!

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An article has appeared in the Burton Mail this evening about my Lymphoma Association award. To read the article, click here.

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We went to London on Thursday for the Lymphoma Association Beacon of Hope Awards. It was held at the Magic Circle club and I was short listed in the Special Commendation category. Julie, Becky and I set off for the capital at about eight o'clock on the Thursday morning and took a steady drive down to London. We arrived in London about half eleven and it seemed like it took us longer to get from the outskirts to the city as it did from Burton to the outskirts! I love driving in London, it's an experience that everyone should try and is nowhere near as frightening as people believe. We were stopping until the Friday evening, so parked our car in the hotel garage and spent the afternoon walking around the South Bank. The sun shone as we walked by the river and as usual, all that was missing was Melissa.

After getting back to our hotel in Gower Street we rested, got ready and then walked the short distance to the Magic Circle club. We were given our name badges, I hung up my jacket and we went upstairs to join those that had already arrived. I saw Nathan, someone I'd had the pleasure of talking to on the Lymphoma Lifesite and someone who Mel often spoke fondly of when she was chatting online. I felt in awe of the people around us and at one point wondered why we were there, there were people far more deserving than me, but then I remembered I was representing Mel and if anyone deserved to be there it was Melissa. As the evening progressed people kept coming up to us, saying how they admired us all. It was so humbling. I kept thinking, all I did was write a report on the days events, but as time goes on I'm slowly beginning to realise the importance of it. I said that I wanted to Make a Difference for Mel and on Thursday, I felt I had really started to make a difference.

As we stood and talked roving magicians wandered amongst us performing some amazing tricks and three days on we're still trying to work them out. The magic show that was put on after the awards was equally mind-blowing, seeing at close hand the sort of tricks you normally see on TV and immediately think it's a camera trick.

We went into a mini theatre for the awards ceremony. If I'm being honest, I did want to win. For Melissa I wanted to win. For all she had to endure, for the brave way she coped with all the bad news, but still carried on being herself, I wanted to win. As I sat listening to Rory Morrison read out nominations for other categories and heard the wonderful things that others had done, I thought to myself that it doesn't matter who wins, because the room was full of winners. As my name, and why I'd been nominated was read out, my eyes started to fill with tears. It's nineteen weeks today since Mel passed away and when I hear people tell me how special she was I can't help but get tearful. I went onto the stage trying (and not particularly succeeding) to keep my composure and as the other short listers were read out I concentrated on trying keep the tears at bay. They announced I had won the Special Commendation award and again my eyes began to leak. I received my award and people kept coming up to congratulate me which was really nice. How I wished I could have sat down with Mel and told her all about it. Had she recovered, she would have been receiving that award and she would have been in her element. New people to meet, new faces to chat to, she would have loved it. Another reminder in the midst of the joy of winning how cruel life can be. Photographs were taken, I met some more amazing people before we left the Magic Circle. Once outside the club I looked skywards and thought out loud . . . . "You did it Mel". The full list of short listed nominees and a resume of the evening can be found on the Lymphoma Association website.

When we got back I made a couple of phone calls, sent a few texts and then spent the rest of the night trying to get to sleep. I managed a few hours, before the alarm went off and it was time for breakfast. The Arran Hoteldo a great breakfast, it's help yourself and you can have full English, Continental or mix and match both. I can fully recommend the Arran if you're going to London to stay. The people who own the place are really nice, the rooms are very clean, the food is good and it's about twenty minutes walk from the city centre. I've booked for next year prior to the cycle ride.

After breakfast we put our case in the car left the car in the garage and set off for Portobello Road. We got as far as Oxford Street/Regent Street junction before we encountered what we think was a terrorist alert. The road was blocked off, there were lots of sirens and the buses queued up for miles. If you check out the pictures on my online album over the next few days you'll see what I mean. Passengers abandoned buses and the drivers soon followed, preferring to stand outside than in their cabs. But that apart, city life went on as if nothing was happening and judging by the lack of reporting of the incident, nothing did happen! We found our way into Hyde Park and wandered through there before we headed off to Portobello Road, via Lancaster Gate. We walked up and down Portobello Road, stopping at the Travel Bookshop, the same bookshop that inspired the film Notting Hill.

As we walked along I saw what I thought was a man with a TV camera, but it wasn't, it was a man with a film camera. Wow, how good was that, a film being made as we walked down Portobello Road. I took a few pictures before I was told by one of the directors to stop taking pictures as it affected the concentration of the actors/actresses as they were acting their scene. This led me to the conclusion that either they weren't very good actors or actresses as they should surely be able to concentrate on the job in hand rather than looking at a silly tourist with grey hair. . .. . . or . . . . that all actors are automatically primed to follow the lens of a camera, it's in their nature, like it's in a dog's nature to sniff another dog's bottom. I concluded that the reason must be that they just weren't very good actors . . . . I have since found out who they were and therefore I must offer apologies to Helena Bonham Carter and Bill Nighy. . . . you are really very good!

So within a couple of hours we'd had a terrorist alert and had a discussion with a film director on the set of Wild Target (due for release in 2009). It didn't stop there. After leaving Notting Hill and making our way back through Hyde Park towards Harrods we were walking down Sloane Street when we saw a car illegally parked. Two Police officers on cycles asked the drivers to get out so they could talk to them, but as we reached the other side of the road there was a screech of wheels, the sound of a policeman saying stop and the car sped off past us and down Sloane Street. All of a sudden a very bemused Asian man appeared from nowhere and looked round in a similar way to Trigger in that classic Fools and Horses when Del Boy falls through the bar. He suddenly realises his mates have driven off down the street so he sets off after the car. . . . . Now I watched the sprinting at the Olympics and thought I'd never see anything as fast as Usef Bolt again. I was wrong. This guy would have beaten him all ends up. He caught the car up and as his partners in crime opened the door for him he jumped in whilst the police cyclist followed in hot pursuit, his legs going nineteen to the dozen. Both the car and the cyclist turned left and were never seen again. I have a great photo of the sprinting Asian man getting into the car with the police cyclist pedalling like bill-yo behind him.

We left the crime scene and went to Harrods, Julie and Becky had sample perfume sprayed on them, Julie and I sampled some vodka and lemon truffles and I pondered over what would make anyone pay two hundred quid and fifty quid for a see through black negligee. . . . . which let's be honest, wouldn't be on long enough to warrant fifty quid, never mind a further two hundred!! Anyway, we brought my father's birthday present from there and Becky bought some tea. We can now say, we shop at Harrods. Whilst in the pet department we saw a lady carrying a border terrier, speaking of which, all things being equal we should be picking Alfie up next Friday. Check out my photographic website for new pics of the lad.

We left Harrods, sat in the park to give our legs a rest and then slowly walked back to the hotel. We picked up the car and drove home, but not before we'd missed the turning for the A1 and ended up in Bow in the east end of London. After leaving the hotel at five past six, we finally got out of London at twenty five to eight and were home by half ten. It was just like the football trips Mel and I used to make when we'd come out of a ground without a clue or a care in the world as to where we were going. One time we left Gravesend at quarter to five and didn't leave London til after seven and another time we left Sittingbourne and ended up on the Isle of Dogs.

But, going back to the London trip, it was a lovely couple of days, Mel would have loved it, the awards, the shopping, the whole trip was amazing, but it would have been better if she had been with us. . . . . with the music player in the car on random play and with nearly five hundred songs for it to choose from, as we approached home the final tune that came on was Angels by Robbie Williams. . . Mel's favourite. She may not have been with us, but I don't think she was too far away!

Please visit www.justgiving.com/4mel to sponsor me on my London to Paris cycle ride.

You may be familiar with most of your body parts and how they relate to your health, but if you are like most people, you probably don’t know your lymph nodes! Now is the time to get to know your nodes, and find out just how important your lymphatic system is. We didn't, so please, for Mel, take time to visit www.knowyournodes.org it may make a difference!

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In terms of free prescriptions for cancer patients, it seems the government have finally washed their hands of me. Following their first reply in which they waffled on about how the prescription charges were laid out and everyone who could pay did etc etc . . . I replied, saying the following . . . . .

Thank you for your reply.

With respect, I am not doubting the rules and regulations. I am saying that those rules and regulations, in particular exemptions need to be looked at as they are based on a list of diseases from 1968 and are unfair.

You also failed to acknowledge my point that all cancer patients should be exempt because of the nature of their disease and the trauma they have to go through.

I don't argue that those who can pay should, but my point is that if you are going to have exemptions (which you have) then cancer should be one of those.

Surely there are people with diabetes who can pay for prescriptions, but don't because they are rightly exempt. The same should apply to cancer patients.

They replied this week saying the following . . . . . .

Dear Mr Leech,

Thank you for your further email of 2 September to the Department of Health about prescription charges. Your email has been passed to me for reply.

Unfortunately, I can only repeat what was said in my previous reply (our ref: DE00000345628) that the Government is aware of the need for a review of prescription charges.

I am sorry if this is not the reply that you were hoping for, but as there is nothing further that the Department can add, we must now consider this matter to be closed. Unless you raise a new question, any further letters sent to the Department will be logged but will not receive a reply.

Yours sincerely,

Nick Hostettler
Customer Service Centre
Department of Health

I think that what they're basically saying is "We're right, you're wrong, now go away and don't bother us again!"

I had the same message initially from James Plaskitt about Financial Support for Students with long term illnesses, but that didn't stop me! Mr. Plaskitt's department now admit there is an unfairness about the system! If the current prescription route is blocked then I shall have to find another way.

The rest of the week has been spent coming up with ideas to raise funds and emailing people about the ride and waiting for responses.

Wednesday was a bad day. I don't know why, I just felt very emotional and whereas it normally takes me a day to get back on track, this time it took a couple of days. There were certain things that upset me, no-one did it intentionally, but sometimes, things are said and the reality of the situation hits home. Liverpool played Manchester United today and both Becky and I wore Liverpool shirts for the Mooch. I said I would for European games and the big Premiership games (with the exception of the Everton game) and it paid off. Because of Liverpool's dismal record against United Mel looked forward to the build up more than the game, but she would have enjoyed today so much. They beat Man U for the first time in what seems like ever and it's just so crap that she wasn't with us to see it. At the final whistle I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

CYCLE RIDE
I upped the distance slightly this week, only by a couple of miles, but a couple of miles is a couple of miles. I followed the morning cycle ride with a good soak in the Jacuzzi. This evening with Becky needing entertaining we decided to go for a ride up to Carol and Keith's to take some plants. The round trip is about eight miles, but it is up the legendary Henhurst Hill. If you don't know Henhurst Hill, let me tell you, it's about two miles of gradual incline with dips and peaks along the way and it's a grueller . . . but very good for the leg muscles. Becky did very well, almost making it all the way, the only thing stopping her was a little gear confusion.

I took my bike seat back earlier in the week. The gel seat was good but it was too wide so this weekend I am back with the old one. It's a bit buttock numbing, but I should have the all new gel seat in position next week. I'm hoping to go out on Sunday morning for an hour or so too. I spoke to the gym this morning and I'm hoping they'll help us raise a bit of cash. The Burton Mail did a really good article in the week and that has helped raise awareness. The training continues . . . . . and if you'd like to sponsor me then visit www.justgiving.com/4mel

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Our local newspaper, the Burton Mail have done us proud with an article on the cycle ride and raising awareness of Lymphoma. To read the article click here. Also, Becky has passed her first year university exams, which considering all she has had to cope with is a tremendous achievement. I can just hear Mel saying to her, "See Becky, I told you, you'd pass!"

During her illness, Mel had to have several blood transfusions. She told both Becky and me that we ought to donate blood so when the Blood Donor service came to town this week we went along. It wasn't the most successful outing we've had. Back in March Becky had tried to donate blood but couldn't due to being anaemic so it was time to have another go.

Technically it was Becky's second time. It was my first. We went in to the Town Hall and we both filled in the forms. I had no trouble with most of the questions on the form though I must admit the one asking me if I'd had oral or anal sex with another man took me by surprise, but I pulled myself together and completed the rest of the questions. Then came the first hitch in the plan. The nurse came over to Becky and started asking her if she had tried to have a test in Durham. Becky answered yes and the nurse told her she couldn't give blood as they'd suspended her for 12 months. The reason for her suspension is that her irons levels have to return on their own. She isn't anaemic any more, but they have to wait for a year to be certain she's sorted.

I then went to a cubicle and went through the questions again, answering for a second time about anal and oral sex. They then wanted to check my iron levels so took a drop of blood and dropped it into some liquid and it floated gracefully to the bottom of the tube. My iron levels were spot on. No more questions and it was time to enter room two. I was called to a bed, lay down, was hooked up to the machine and whilst Becky laughed at me from across the room, I started to donate blood. The nurse came over and checked me and informed me that it was going well and they had over a quarter of a bag. A couple of minutes later I noticed that the nurses were looking a bit concerned without actually saying anything. They came over to ask me if I was in any pain. I said no. They asked me again and I said no. When they asked me for the third time I think the power of suggestion was taking hold and my arm felt achy. Not painful, just achy. Apparently I was bruising around the point of entry (I should have called for Wendy the Canular Queen) and then my blood started clotting around the end of the needle and they had to stop. They need a full bag. I'd only managed half. A brave effort but not good enough to donate. We both left assuring the nurses we'd be back next time and that we'd succeed. We couldn't help feeling that Mel was looking down at us and piddling herself laughing.

I heard this week from the Lymphoma Association regarding the Beacon of Hope Awards. I have been short listed in the Special Commendation section. I'm so thrilled about it, not just for me, but for Melissa too. I know that if she had recovered from Lymphoma it would have been her being nominated and short listed and I like to think that the nomination and subsequent short listing is a joint one. The awards evening is at the Magic Circle Club in London in a couple of weeks. Like I said, I'm so thrilled and proud too. I don't think any of us realise the effect our respective blogs have had on people and for them to be recognised in this way is truly amazing.

On Tuesday Becky and I visited the Queen's Hospital to give them a poster and ask if they'd help us raise some funds for the Lymphoma Association. It was strange walking through the hospital again, particularly into the chemo unit and thinking that twelve months ago we were there with Mel, shocked that she'd been diagnosed with cancer, but full of hope for a recovery and the thought that she wouldn't get better didn't even cross our minds. We walked into the hospital and saw Annie who was Mel's Aromatherapist and after chatting to her for a couple of minutes we went upstairs to the chemo unit. Wendy the Canular Queen and Pat weren't there but we met a lady called Laura who was the Manager of the unit. We'd never met Laura before but she knew all about Mel. I was envisaging having to explain all about Mel and what had occurred, but there was no need. As Laura spoke the warmness and affection with which they obviously held Mel shone through.

On Saturday we attended our first Patient Partnership Forum. The meetings are every month and it helps give cancer patients and carers a voice in how hospitals deal with cancer issues. The meeting was held in the same room where Dr's Smith and Haynes used to discuss Mel's condition via the webcam. After the meeting I waited for Julie in the waiting room. On Tuesday it hadn't bothered me at all, but as I stood looking across the empty waiting room I remembered the times we'd sat with Mel waiting to be called in to a consultation, a consultation that would invariably point to bad news. My eyes filled with tears and the tear drops started to roll down my cheek. Julie appeared and we started talking about the meeting and I forgot where I was. It brought home to me how having time to think, even a couple of minutes, in a certain place at a certain time can cause a wave of emotion.

CYCLE RIDE
In terms of fund raising for the cycle ride, I ordered some football blackout cards. These will hopefully raise some funds for us and if anyone wants to take a few cards to raise funds then contact me and I'll make sure they get to you. We're also doing a bucket collection at the cinema in October on the first Saturday of the release of High School Musical 3. No word from Morrisons yet, but I'll chase them up. I also met up this week with the BTN magazine, a publication distributed around certain parts of the Burton area, and they are going to run a series of articles on Mel and various aspects of Lymphoma. These will take place over between now and the bike ride in June. The Burton Mail are also running a story next week on how we're doing so far. So as you can see, it's been another very busy week. I did another 11 miles this morning on the cycle . . . in the pouring rain. I went the same route as last week, but this time in reverse. This meant cycling up the Tatenhill hill. It's a steep one, but I managed to get to the top without having to get off, which I thought, so early in my training, was quite good. The rest of the ride was good, if a little wet, but I'm hopefully going out again tomorrow (Sunday). To sponsor me on my cycle ride from London to Paris next June visit www.myspace.com/ianleech

Finally, we went to see our new puppy Alfie again today. We should get him in about three weeks. The latest pictures of him can be found on my photo site, the link to which is on the left hand side.

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This week has been another busy one. So busy that I've had to start using my "To Do" lists on Microsoft Outlook! I've been writing letters and emails regarding potential sponsorships for the bike ride, filling in my passport application and sorting out posters too. The Lymphoma Association sent me out some sponsorship forms and I've been busy handing those out. I have written to the Guild at the uni asking if they'd consider putting on an event in memory of Mel to raise money for the cycle ride. The thought I had was a "Red Alert" night. . . the idea being that everyone dresses in red and white! There are also one or two other ideas that are "in motion" but more of those another week.

It's another week of anniversaries, Julie and I have lived this time last year all over again. The hospital visits, the scans, the start of the chemo, we've done it all and as you can imagine it is still very raw and emotional. We still dream she'll walk through the door saying she's been working all summer and she's sorry she hasn't been in touch . . . . but then reality hits home, because we know, even if Mel had been working all summer in Outer Mongolia (why outer Mongolia?), anyway, she'd have been in touch pretty much every day. Becky has now finished her exams and is chilling in Durham before coming home after this weekend. She has done fantastic to carry on concentrating on revision through all that's happened and whatever the outcome (As Mel and I used to say, "Becky, you'll pass, you always do!) we're really proud of her . . and I know Mel is too.

We will be going to our first Cancer Voice meeting next Saturday as well as going to see our new pup Alfie. He'll be four weeks old by then and we'll only be two or three weeks off having him home. I am almost back at work full time now. I've done a couple of full days this week and after next week I return to full time working. As long as I'm kept busy I'm ok, I don't have time to think about things. It's the same at home and at work, I have to be occupied. I find that if I'm busy I can think about Mel and it's good, it's nice. If I have too much time on my hands though that's when the thoughts go deep and the emotion pours out. It still happens, but if I'm busy, then it doesn't happen so often.

I have also wrote some more of Mel's Story this week and the draft of chapter two is now complete. Whenever I write I always write and then go back to titivate it up. Julie is my expert proof reader. We invited The Nanny round on Wednesday evening to watch the Liverpool game. I wore the MEL 20 shirt and in true "Mooch" style I spilt some yogurt down it. My pledge is to wear the shirt for the European games (which judging by the way they played on Wednesday won't be for long) and I'll also wear it when Liverpool need that extra bit of luck . . Like when they play Man Utd . . . and Chelsea . . . and Arsenal . . when they play Everton they'll just have to look after themselves . . The Blue goes back on! Mooch would understand!

I sent another letter to my MP this week regarding prescription charges for Cancer patients. I have expressed my disgust at this before and was sent a letter from Dawn Primarolo MP who explained all the things you can do, like fill in loads of forms and even pre-pay for your prescriptions. Mel wasn't well enough to fill in endless forms (When will this government learn that when you have cancer you don't feel much like doing anything at times, let alone filling out endless forms with stupid questions. . . MAKE THINGS SIMPLE!). Her other option was to pay over £100 for a pre-pay form. Of course, to do that she needed money and as a student she wasn't entitled to any, but hey ho! Mel eventually got free prescriptions because one of the clauses states that you are eligible if you cannot get to the pharmacy on your own due to ill health and someone has to go for you. The MP also stated that the illnesses eligible for free prescriptions were agreed by certain members of the medical profession . . . . . in 1968! As I explained to her in my reply, maybe it's time to look at the illnesses again, after all, chances are the plague and the Black Death may still on the list! I wonder if the real reason they won't change things is because, as everyone knows, unfortunately, cancer is on the increase and therefore represents a significant income to HM Government. . or am I being cynical?

CYCLE RIDE
As you may be aware, in June of next year, providing I can raise £1,250 in sponsorship, I am cycling from London to France in aid of the Lymphoma Association. My plan is to keep a modicum of fitness at the moment before the big push next year. I cycle to work everyday and whilst it's only two and a half miles, it does keep the wheels and legs turning. Last Saturday I rode a meagre eight miles and did so in around forty minutes. There was a lot of hill work in that though. This Saturday, after investing in a new seat I upped the mileage to 10.7 and it took me fifty minutes. I am if nothing else consistent! The new seat will have to be returned I'm afraid. When I looked at it I thought that as it was quite wide it would be more comfy! Wrong! When I got off the bike I felt like I'd been sat on a big tree stump for fifty minutes. (How prisoners shove mobile phones up their bottoms to conceal them is beyond me). The seat was comfy, but it was just too wide and whilst I was cycling my legs were too far apart. My bottom may be more pert than I thought!

So that's it for this week, plenty of things achieved and still more to do. Julie only has about ten Lymphoma pin badges left, so anyone wants them they are minimum donation £1 plus Postage and Packing where necessary.

To sponsor me on my cycle ride visit www.justgiving.com/4mel

Finally, can I say a huge thank you to everyone who donated to the "Gift for Mel" website for CLIC Sargent, we raised £379 and we thank you all and I know that CLIC, like us, are appreciative. That site is now closed and all our efforts now are focused on the cycle ride and raising money for the Lymphoma Association. Thanks again.

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This is now the page for updates, I shall continue to post all the latest news on here as oppose to the blog. It makes sense to have everything in one place, so from now on set your bookmarks to here. It will be similar to the blog in as much as I'll update as and when things happen. To give you a quick run through, the home page is basically about Mel. Latest Updates is what you're on now and will have all the latest news of what we're doing etc. Cycle ride will give updated information on the London to Paris Bike Ride and all that's happening regarding that be it fundraising, training, collapsing . . . .

Fighting City Hall briefly explains the fight with the government regarding the financial situation for students with long term illnesses. We're winning, but it's taking time. Finally, useful links is just that, links to anything to do with Mel's disease that we or Mel found useful. These links were originally Melissa's idea.

This week saw the unveiling of Mel's bench at Aston University, situated by the lake in front of the Conference Centre it looks superb and I am sure it will become a place for Mel's friends to meet over the coming 12 months. Sophie's dad did a fantastic job making the bench and thanks also to Soph for all the work she did and for suggesting her dad make the bench. Thanks also to Sooty, Hammad and Rachel for providing the inscription and to the University for putting on the food and making the occasion go so smoothly. It was great to see so many family and friends and in particularly Allan, Naomi and Hayley. Hayley and Mel supported each other a great deal during their respective illnesses and I know Mel would have been so pleased to hear the news that Hayley is now in full remission. Of course, ultimately, it wasn't how we envisaged spending Mel's 21st, but in the context of things we couldn't have planned a better day and we will be forever grateful to everyone.

I've had another letter from James Plaskitt MP this week, nothing too exciting, he just says he's passed my ideas on to the powers that be and they will take them on board. It seems they're currently trying to make sure that by changing these rules, other groups do not suffer. I'd have thought personally that you fix what is wrong and then work around it, but then I'm not a government minister.

I've been accepted for the cycle ride so apart from training I've also go to raise £1250. I have a few ideas and I've sent out some emails regarding sponsorship to various people. Any help that anyone can give is greatly appreciated, you can donate online by clicking on the Sponsor Me link on the left. Hopefully I shall have more news next week on fund raising, but in the meantime, if anyone has any ideas to add to our own then we're more than happy to hear from you.